My story continues again....

My first job started in Aug 2000. Before started work, like most graduates, I went for a holiday, but it was with a group of my Chinese Orchestra teammates in polytechnic to have an exchange program in Melbourne. It’s a great, memorable and nice experience. First time taking a long time flight, first time to Australia where it was having a winter season over there. Although there was no snow, but it was my first time experiencing the cold weather as compared to the long-time hot weather here in Singapore. And also, haha, after coming back to Singapore, it was also my first time got my chickenpox after so many years. Many of us got the chickenpox. It’s all started from a friend got in Melbourne and most of us who had not got it all got it. But I started my job not long after my chickenpox. Leading a normal life during my working life. After a year, I started to pursue my degree, part time studying. It was hard. No kidding! Around after another half year, I decided to leave my first job and very fast, I found my second job.

I worked in a site. Over there, I got to know my close piggy friend and one more person. A person whom had creates happiness, sadness, bitterness, and knowledgeable moments in my life. This was my first relationship. I knew him before my piggy friend, if I’m not remembered wrongly. Hmm. What can I say about this guy??? He is a good man; just having some bad temper, may be getting better now. Who knows? He was good to me, taught me a lot of things, which I may not really know anything about yet. He taught me how to protect myself when walking among a crowd. He taught me how to play darts. He taught me how to taste wine, appreciate wine. He is a good drinker. He taught me many things which some of them may only appear in my mind when I come across them. He brought a lot of happy moments in my mind too. We were mostly going shopping; watching movies, go to the beach, sometimes to pubs with him to watch him play darts (only a few times, can be counted using one hand), etc. All these were what typical couples will do and these accompanied us within the 2 and half years of relationship. I like the feeling of playing darts too. Can feel a sense of satisfaction when I hit the ‘red dot’. Just don’t really like the smoky smell in the pubs. Used to now but just don’t like. But will still go to these areas no doubts. One of the things I don’t like him or anyone doing is smoking. It’s bad for health. If is seeing others smoking, I will not want to say anything. But for the people I cared for, I will hope he or she can quit. My family members no one is a smoker. Only one whom I knew and had passed away: My grandpa. May be he was stress, may be he was having difficulties in quitting, may be… a few times I got angry because he smoked. At first he promised not to smoke in front of me or when with me in the beginning of our relationship. But a few times when we were together at his gatherings with his friends, he would smoke with his friends. May be his ego had caused him to forget his promise, may be… hmm… now not having the mood to continue to write anything. But want to tell my piggy friend one thing: I’m happy about you finding someone you love now. Stay on with the happiness. I have let go a lot of feelings. I think you know about it. But one reason why I wrote in the blog about this relationship is to leave a good memory of a person rather than anything else. I find that it’s much more easier and happier to like or love someone than to hate someone. It is more tired and energy wasting. So continue to love your ah dar, ok, piggy?... Jia You!
^v^

After a long period of about 1 yr plus since I broke up with him, I have not been stepping into any of the cinemas. So on last Friday, I once again stepped into Cathy and had a nice show in fact with some of my friends. The name of the movie is called ‘Click’. Before I see this movie, I thought it was another comedy movie. But after watching it, I think it is a very meaningful movie. It filmed the story about this main role in the movie is a workaholic and spend very little time with the family. He worked long hours and wanted to get promoted as fast as possible as what everybody dreamed for so that he can let his family will have a better life. His house got lots of remote controls and he got frustrated one day about the life he was leading and wanted to get something that can simplify his life and also to simplify his house’s remote control to just having one only. He went into a shop and got a universal remote control that can control his life. It can bring him to the past or future, fast forward some of the events such as to skip away some arguments with his wife, had his promotion faster etc. But this brought him future problems like he dun even know how all these things happened or even when his loved one had actually passed away or left him. He missed a lot of things in life. He then realized he had not treasured the people around him well enough. Ended up when at last he realized where is the problem, he is towards the ‘death road’. But luckily, the movie in the end shows that it is just a bad dream for him and let him realize that he really need to treasure his loved ones around him. I like this movie, as it is a meaningful and touching one. My friend sitting besides me cried during the movie. My eyes are wet too. But I know what is that feeling and that’s why I really treasure my family a lot too. Hmm. Dunno what I’m talking liao. But it’s a good movie after a yr plus never step into cinema. Feel gd to catch a gd movie. ^v^

Today not wanting to post my story here. But have a very strong urge want to write my feeling today of seeing the fireworks at home. A lot of us like it very much. In fact I met my dear piggy fren at CityHall today with her ah dar to somewhere to see fireworks. Usually I saw my past fireworks at home thru the windows. But today, my 2 little nephews specially came to my house here and wanted to watch it. So had changed a venue. My house downstair got a running track and walking further down is a opening area where we can see fireworks more clearer. So when we walked near the area, a lot of pple were there waiting for it liao. Haha! WE ALL like fireworks. Young, old, with wheelchair, many many. Waited for a while, at last the fireworks came. Very nice, very fast, and very short. No more..... :( Very short glory of performance in the sky! As Indoor Stadium is going to be tear down soon, we are not able to see the fireworks near my home anymore ... :( So this year I recorded down in my camera using the video function. Still figure how to see it using my laptop as it's of a different format. Haha. Hope can figure it out. ^v^

The childhood I got seems to be very blur in my mind right now. But the kind of life I remembered seems to be a typical one. I’m just a very talkative girl in school who always been caught by teacher. Near to primary 4 or 5, don’t know how and why, a few guys in school will bully me. Haha. Typical thing happened. Still remembered a case during primary 6 where I took my metal pencil case to hit a guy’s tummy after he had hit me on my back or so. Things like this happened. I did cried at home when been bullied by the guys in school or not having many friends in school. I started to be a bit more not myself by then. As I grown up further to secondary school, I started to be very quiet. I don’t have a lot of friends in school. Only probably 1 at that moment, who I’m still glad we are still in contact. Very amazing is that classmates whom I didn’t really talked to during secondary school days now do keep in touch with me. Haha. For readers’ info, we met in the working area and met one another and that’s how we keep in contact again. Well, I think people grow and changed. Me too. And I think the changing time started during my polytechnic time.

My poly days seem to be getting more and more tougher. During my 1st year in poly, things got a bit bad. It’s during that time when I 1st experienced the feel of losing someone whom I really loved, my beloved Ah Ma (mum’s mother). I’ve been very close to her. I talked to her, walked with her around, and liked to bring my service to her when she lived with us occasionally. She was a very kind hearten woman. But my aunt didn’t really treat her well when she was still around. Whenever I heard about it, I’m so sad and wanted the best for her. But at that time when she was around, I was still a student and no money to buy her anything. Thus, I can only treat her better. She liked to take a stroll in the morning and evening, sometimes in the noon after meal. So normally, I would follow her around and had a chat with her too. My Teochew language is not very good but Ah Ma’s teochew and Chinese were good. She would try to explain to me in Chinese for the teochew I don’t understand. She was Buddhism. So she would explain to me some of the details and some of the meanings in some of the reading. I missed her a lot. But I had slowly learnt to put her in my heart. She left us in one of the Thursday morning. I was in a camp from that week Monday. Before that camp on Sunday, I went to see her. But she was no longer able to talk to me. All over her were all the tubes, which caused us to feel pain. As I thought able to see her on Thursday after didn’t see her for 3 days, early in the morning when I’m still in bed, my mum woke me up and mentioned that Ah Ma had passed away and she needed to go hospital to get her body ready for the wake. It’s the first time in my life I’m feeling so lost early in the morning. I saw mum was calling for the preparation for the wake. I didn’t cried at the moment, as I still didn’t believe that. Till the time when dad drove me to the area where it’s for Ah Ma’s wake when I started to feel a strong, warm ‘water’ flow down my face. My tears were uncontrollable by then. Still remembered Ah Ma’s mentioned something to me when she was still around: “Don’t ever cry on my wake ok? I will be happy to where I’m going.” But my feeling that time had washed away a lot of thinking. Everyone was sad during the wake. No doubt after the wake, a very sad scene appeared in front of me. My aunt was ‘spreading’ my Ah Ma’s wealth or money as to speak. And people will be thinking how much we were getting. I’m not for the money, but very sad was we just finished the whole wake for Ah Ma and we were then distributing Ah Ma’s fortune. Till now, the little red packet with the $10 in it I’ve never touch it yet and it’s still in my locker. I keep it for a memory. I keep it, as it was the last bit of amount from Ah Ma. Maybe because I’m the youngest among all her grandchildren, she was very nice to me. She would gave me $$ once a while to buy things I liked but most of the time I’ll save it for raining days. Still remembered she would sometime give me a kiss on my cheek too. Every little gesture from her will leave me a deep impression of her. Really miss her very very much.

Life goes on. For being quite a while, I’ve been very sad, couldn’t get over Ah Ma’s death. My attitude also changed. Became very unlikable. Very hard to explain in words here. But I can say was on my 2nd year in poly days, almost the whole of my classmates disliked me. Somehow was a classmate had initiated the actions. I don’t know what she had said to the class and caused everyone to dislike me. But I knew it would be hard to explain anything. So that had somehow caused me to learn to be alone, independent. But we had a few projects in my poly days. So somehow or rather had to be with people who don’t like me. It was a difficult mission to complete. But I had to go on with it. And that goes with my 2nd year in poly with a very long and difficult time to pass with. In my 3rd year, I filled myself with lots of stuff. Attachment program; projects with the rest of my classmates who were more neutral about what happened; final year projects, etc. But at this particular year, another big unbelievable thing happened. My mum was sick. During that period, our housing estate was going thru’ upgrading as well. And we were having our extension room been built up and toilet been renovated. I still remembered followed mum to hospital one day to see doctor and had mentioned that there was a lump found near the breast area. To my memory, one day she mentioned about the sharp pain near her heart and we suggested her to go for a checkup. So that day, mum went to the nearest clinic and the doctor gave her a referred letter to go into hospital immediately. Some of my memory was gone in fact but I deeply remembered the day when mum had to go thru the operation. I was so worried that my mind was going thru lots of thoughts. Maybe saw too much drama series and movies; I prayed real hard that the operation was a successful one. And hope that the lump found was not cancerous one. Unable to concentrate study that day, but when I went to hospital that day, got to know that it was not cancerous one but have to do lots of therapy, I seems to be a bit more relaxed. But still sad that mum has to go thru so many rounds of treatments. After her operation and came back home to recover, she was then retired by then. Throughout most of her treatment, I followed her to hospital, seeing her eating the big lot of medicine is really painful. Actually, not only then been very closed to her, since young, I’ve been listening to her telling me what kind of life she had as a childhood, how she grew up, how much hardship she had went thru, especially when she was having us. A lot of deep feelings flow inside me. That year was a tough year for me. Had to look after mum in hospital, helped cleared the house, as father might not be very careful in cleaning, at the same time, I’ve been busy with my final year projects and exams too. Tired but I think is worth as I’m still having my loved ones around me. Right now, I really can’t imagine what will happened to me if mum is really no longer with me. But I really have to thank her for being still by my side.

Some of my memory has faded off. The above is only part of my story. There are more to come. But a bit sad to say is from beginning story till here, the story seems to be sad and yet not really happy. Hope to have some happy story to share with u readers here. Haha. Pls look forward to see more story here. ^.^