The childhood I got seems to be very blur in my mind right now. But the kind of life I remembered seems to be a typical one. I’m just a very talkative girl in school who always been caught by teacher. Near to primary 4 or 5, don’t know how and why, a few guys in school will bully me. Haha. Typical thing happened. Still remembered a case during primary 6 where I took my metal pencil case to hit a guy’s tummy after he had hit me on my back or so. Things like this happened. I did cried at home when been bullied by the guys in school or not having many friends in school. I started to be a bit more not myself by then. As I grown up further to secondary school, I started to be very quiet. I don’t have a lot of friends in school. Only probably 1 at that moment, who I’m still glad we are still in contact. Very amazing is that classmates whom I didn’t really talked to during secondary school days now do keep in touch with me. Haha. For readers’ info, we met in the working area and met one another and that’s how we keep in contact again. Well, I think people grow and changed. Me too. And I think the changing time started during my polytechnic time.
My poly days seem to be getting more and more tougher. During my 1st year in poly, things got a bit bad. It’s during that time when I 1st experienced the feel of losing someone whom I really loved, my beloved Ah Ma (mum’s mother). I’ve been very close to her. I talked to her, walked with her around, and liked to bring my service to her when she lived with us occasionally. She was a very kind hearten woman. But my aunt didn’t really treat her well when she was still around. Whenever I heard about it, I’m so sad and wanted the best for her. But at that time when she was around, I was still a student and no money to buy her anything. Thus, I can only treat her better. She liked to take a stroll in the morning and evening, sometimes in the noon after meal. So normally, I would follow her around and had a chat with her too. My Teochew language is not very good but Ah Ma’s teochew and Chinese were good. She would try to explain to me in Chinese for the teochew I don’t understand. She was Buddhism. So she would explain to me some of the details and some of the meanings in some of the reading. I missed her a lot. But I had slowly learnt to put her in my heart. She left us in one of the Thursday morning. I was in a camp from that week Monday. Before that camp on Sunday, I went to see her. But she was no longer able to talk to me. All over her were all the tubes, which caused us to feel pain. As I thought able to see her on Thursday after didn’t see her for 3 days, early in the morning when I’m still in bed, my mum woke me up and mentioned that Ah Ma had passed away and she needed to go hospital to get her body ready for the wake. It’s the first time in my life I’m feeling so lost early in the morning. I saw mum was calling for the preparation for the wake. I didn’t cried at the moment, as I still didn’t believe that. Till the time when dad drove me to the area where it’s for Ah Ma’s wake when I started to feel a strong, warm ‘water’ flow down my face. My tears were uncontrollable by then. Still remembered Ah Ma’s mentioned something to me when she was still around: “Don’t ever cry on my wake ok? I will be happy to where I’m going.” But my feeling that time had washed away a lot of thinking. Everyone was sad during the wake. No doubt after the wake, a very sad scene appeared in front of me. My aunt was ‘spreading’ my Ah Ma’s wealth or money as to speak. And people will be thinking how much we were getting. I’m not for the money, but very sad was we just finished the whole wake for Ah Ma and we were then distributing Ah Ma’s fortune. Till now, the little red packet with the $10 in it I’ve never touch it yet and it’s still in my locker. I keep it for a memory. I keep it, as it was the last bit of amount from Ah Ma. Maybe because I’m the youngest among all her grandchildren, she was very nice to me. She would gave me $$ once a while to buy things I liked but most of the time I’ll save it for raining days. Still remembered she would sometime give me a kiss on my cheek too. Every little gesture from her will leave me a deep impression of her. Really miss her very very much.
Life goes on. For being quite a while, I’ve been very sad, couldn’t get over Ah Ma’s death. My attitude also changed. Became very unlikable. Very hard to explain in words here. But I can say was on my 2nd year in poly days, almost the whole of my classmates disliked me. Somehow was a classmate had initiated the actions. I don’t know what she had said to the class and caused everyone to dislike me. But I knew it would be hard to explain anything. So that had somehow caused me to learn to be alone, independent. But we had a few projects in my poly days. So somehow or rather had to be with people who don’t like me. It was a difficult mission to complete. But I had to go on with it. And that goes with my 2nd year in poly with a very long and difficult time to pass with. In my 3rd year, I filled myself with lots of stuff. Attachment program; projects with the rest of my classmates who were more neutral about what happened; final year projects, etc. But at this particular year, another big unbelievable thing happened. My mum was sick. During that period, our housing estate was going thru’ upgrading as well. And we were having our extension room been built up and toilet been renovated. I still remembered followed mum to hospital one day to see doctor and had mentioned that there was a lump found near the breast area. To my memory, one day she mentioned about the sharp pain near her heart and we suggested her to go for a checkup. So that day, mum went to the nearest clinic and the doctor gave her a referred letter to go into hospital immediately. Some of my memory was gone in fact but I deeply remembered the day when mum had to go thru the operation. I was so worried that my mind was going thru lots of thoughts. Maybe saw too much drama series and movies; I prayed real hard that the operation was a successful one. And hope that the lump found was not cancerous one. Unable to concentrate study that day, but when I went to hospital that day, got to know that it was not cancerous one but have to do lots of therapy, I seems to be a bit more relaxed. But still sad that mum has to go thru so many rounds of treatments. After her operation and came back home to recover, she was then retired by then. Throughout most of her treatment, I followed her to hospital, seeing her eating the big lot of medicine is really painful. Actually, not only then been very closed to her, since young, I’ve been listening to her telling me what kind of life she had as a childhood, how she grew up, how much hardship she had went thru, especially when she was having us. A lot of deep feelings flow inside me. That year was a tough year for me. Had to look after mum in hospital, helped cleared the house, as father might not be very careful in cleaning, at the same time, I’ve been busy with my final year projects and exams too. Tired but I think is worth as I’m still having my loved ones around me. Right now, I really can’t imagine what will happened to me if mum is really no longer with me. But I really have to thank her for being still by my side.
Some of my memory has faded off. The above is only part of my story. There are more to come. But a bit sad to say is from beginning story till here, the story seems to be sad and yet not really happy. Hope to have some happy story to share with u readers here. Haha. Pls look forward to see more story here. ^.^
My poly days seem to be getting more and more tougher. During my 1st year in poly, things got a bit bad. It’s during that time when I 1st experienced the feel of losing someone whom I really loved, my beloved Ah Ma (mum’s mother). I’ve been very close to her. I talked to her, walked with her around, and liked to bring my service to her when she lived with us occasionally. She was a very kind hearten woman. But my aunt didn’t really treat her well when she was still around. Whenever I heard about it, I’m so sad and wanted the best for her. But at that time when she was around, I was still a student and no money to buy her anything. Thus, I can only treat her better. She liked to take a stroll in the morning and evening, sometimes in the noon after meal. So normally, I would follow her around and had a chat with her too. My Teochew language is not very good but Ah Ma’s teochew and Chinese were good. She would try to explain to me in Chinese for the teochew I don’t understand. She was Buddhism. So she would explain to me some of the details and some of the meanings in some of the reading. I missed her a lot. But I had slowly learnt to put her in my heart. She left us in one of the Thursday morning. I was in a camp from that week Monday. Before that camp on Sunday, I went to see her. But she was no longer able to talk to me. All over her were all the tubes, which caused us to feel pain. As I thought able to see her on Thursday after didn’t see her for 3 days, early in the morning when I’m still in bed, my mum woke me up and mentioned that Ah Ma had passed away and she needed to go hospital to get her body ready for the wake. It’s the first time in my life I’m feeling so lost early in the morning. I saw mum was calling for the preparation for the wake. I didn’t cried at the moment, as I still didn’t believe that. Till the time when dad drove me to the area where it’s for Ah Ma’s wake when I started to feel a strong, warm ‘water’ flow down my face. My tears were uncontrollable by then. Still remembered Ah Ma’s mentioned something to me when she was still around: “Don’t ever cry on my wake ok? I will be happy to where I’m going.” But my feeling that time had washed away a lot of thinking. Everyone was sad during the wake. No doubt after the wake, a very sad scene appeared in front of me. My aunt was ‘spreading’ my Ah Ma’s wealth or money as to speak. And people will be thinking how much we were getting. I’m not for the money, but very sad was we just finished the whole wake for Ah Ma and we were then distributing Ah Ma’s fortune. Till now, the little red packet with the $10 in it I’ve never touch it yet and it’s still in my locker. I keep it for a memory. I keep it, as it was the last bit of amount from Ah Ma. Maybe because I’m the youngest among all her grandchildren, she was very nice to me. She would gave me $$ once a while to buy things I liked but most of the time I’ll save it for raining days. Still remembered she would sometime give me a kiss on my cheek too. Every little gesture from her will leave me a deep impression of her. Really miss her very very much.
Life goes on. For being quite a while, I’ve been very sad, couldn’t get over Ah Ma’s death. My attitude also changed. Became very unlikable. Very hard to explain in words here. But I can say was on my 2nd year in poly days, almost the whole of my classmates disliked me. Somehow was a classmate had initiated the actions. I don’t know what she had said to the class and caused everyone to dislike me. But I knew it would be hard to explain anything. So that had somehow caused me to learn to be alone, independent. But we had a few projects in my poly days. So somehow or rather had to be with people who don’t like me. It was a difficult mission to complete. But I had to go on with it. And that goes with my 2nd year in poly with a very long and difficult time to pass with. In my 3rd year, I filled myself with lots of stuff. Attachment program; projects with the rest of my classmates who were more neutral about what happened; final year projects, etc. But at this particular year, another big unbelievable thing happened. My mum was sick. During that period, our housing estate was going thru’ upgrading as well. And we were having our extension room been built up and toilet been renovated. I still remembered followed mum to hospital one day to see doctor and had mentioned that there was a lump found near the breast area. To my memory, one day she mentioned about the sharp pain near her heart and we suggested her to go for a checkup. So that day, mum went to the nearest clinic and the doctor gave her a referred letter to go into hospital immediately. Some of my memory was gone in fact but I deeply remembered the day when mum had to go thru the operation. I was so worried that my mind was going thru lots of thoughts. Maybe saw too much drama series and movies; I prayed real hard that the operation was a successful one. And hope that the lump found was not cancerous one. Unable to concentrate study that day, but when I went to hospital that day, got to know that it was not cancerous one but have to do lots of therapy, I seems to be a bit more relaxed. But still sad that mum has to go thru so many rounds of treatments. After her operation and came back home to recover, she was then retired by then. Throughout most of her treatment, I followed her to hospital, seeing her eating the big lot of medicine is really painful. Actually, not only then been very closed to her, since young, I’ve been listening to her telling me what kind of life she had as a childhood, how she grew up, how much hardship she had went thru, especially when she was having us. A lot of deep feelings flow inside me. That year was a tough year for me. Had to look after mum in hospital, helped cleared the house, as father might not be very careful in cleaning, at the same time, I’ve been busy with my final year projects and exams too. Tired but I think is worth as I’m still having my loved ones around me. Right now, I really can’t imagine what will happened to me if mum is really no longer with me. But I really have to thank her for being still by my side.
Some of my memory has faded off. The above is only part of my story. There are more to come. But a bit sad to say is from beginning story till here, the story seems to be sad and yet not really happy. Hope to have some happy story to share with u readers here. Haha. Pls look forward to see more story here. ^.^
posted by ChangedME | 7:26 PM
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