Confused...w Sadness
Yesterday, 11 Oct, was a happy day for my senior. He juz got married. Happy for him that he got a beautiful and sweet wife. Witnessed the whole church wedding ceremony. Juz want to use 2 words to describe is: Beautiful and memorable. And when meeting some other friends during the wedding, I got to know a lot more couples are getting married during these 2 months too. Wow... 'Red bombs' is one thing... my feeling started to think a lot again... Juz so happened too that there is a 'crash' feeling in me recently.
In my parents' eyes, I'm already getting older and older and also keep asking me to find another 1 partner soon, especially mum. Well, 1 word to describe my feeling now is scare. Scare of being hurt, scare of being rejected somehow. I have no confident abt my feeling. When I'm much younger during school days or even when started to work in the society, I have the courage to tell the someone how I feel, which I've written in my long time prev blog before. But now, I don't. Juz like the feeling in my title, confused. Now, I can't confirm whether if it is juz a short 'crash' again or real feeling. 'Crash' will be gone sooner or later. But I think real feeling will also be gone fast when I know that he is attached maybe... I dunno. I dunno myself abt this. No wonder pple said that when it comes to relationship, ppl will become stupid. Can't see, can't hear, can't understand even own self.
Problem in work I can solve, problem in the family like relating to parents I can solve as long as I know how, friends got problem I will be there if can. But own relationship or 'heart' problem, die! I think as I get older, I'll become stupider in terms of relationship. Juz hope that if this person is not meant for me, quickly let it pass so I can move on. But if there is chance for us, hmm... I don't know what to do... a very very difficult issue... Well, dun even know how to test ... sigh...
Updated on 18 Oct
Why written on the same entry? Reason simple... Feeling rather sad now and I dunno why will think of him, like want to tel him. Nt a right sign, cos he is stil nt having any relationship to me. I know time will heal me. I know it's difficult but it will, I know it's long but it will. Sad til want to cry but it's ok. I know I will pull thru. This yr is a 'big wave' to me that I really felt collapsing soon. A yr of tough challenges to me that I have to go thru. I really think it's a tough yr that I can't hold myself tight soon. Clearing all the challenges is ok. Most imptly my loved ones ard me. I'm afraid of an incident which nobody knows I think. Hope it won't happened. Really!!!
In my parents' eyes, I'm already getting older and older and also keep asking me to find another 1 partner soon, especially mum. Well, 1 word to describe my feeling now is scare. Scare of being hurt, scare of being rejected somehow. I have no confident abt my feeling. When I'm much younger during school days or even when started to work in the society, I have the courage to tell the someone how I feel, which I've written in my long time prev blog before. But now, I don't. Juz like the feeling in my title, confused. Now, I can't confirm whether if it is juz a short 'crash' again or real feeling. 'Crash' will be gone sooner or later. But I think real feeling will also be gone fast when I know that he is attached maybe... I dunno. I dunno myself abt this. No wonder pple said that when it comes to relationship, ppl will become stupid. Can't see, can't hear, can't understand even own self.
Problem in work I can solve, problem in the family like relating to parents I can solve as long as I know how, friends got problem I will be there if can. But own relationship or 'heart' problem, die! I think as I get older, I'll become stupider in terms of relationship. Juz hope that if this person is not meant for me, quickly let it pass so I can move on. But if there is chance for us, hmm... I don't know what to do... a very very difficult issue... Well, dun even know how to test ... sigh...
Updated on 18 Oct
Why written on the same entry? Reason simple... Feeling rather sad now and I dunno why will think of him, like want to tel him. Nt a right sign, cos he is stil nt having any relationship to me. I know time will heal me. I know it's difficult but it will, I know it's long but it will. Sad til want to cry but it's ok. I know I will pull thru. This yr is a 'big wave' to me that I really felt collapsing soon. A yr of tough challenges to me that I have to go thru. I really think it's a tough yr that I can't hold myself tight soon. Clearing all the challenges is ok. Most imptly my loved ones ard me. I'm afraid of an incident which nobody knows I think. Hope it won't happened. Really!!!
posted by ChangedME | 12:58 AM
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