一年多了

不知不觉都要一年了，没来这儿，是因为没要写些什么。

可是今天，我想把一些心情写下来：

一年多前有了喜欢一个人的感觉。知道了他有女朋友后，要把那感觉抛开，以为不难。可是，却不知不觉的发现那种感觉到现在都还在。以前还没交男朋友前不会把这种感觉放在心里那么久，很快就不见了。真的不知为何这一次不行。昨天知道他要结婚了，我有为他开心，也希望因为这样，那感觉会很快的不见了。我真的很希望是这样。我真的忠心祝福他，也希望自己能把那感觉和它说：Bye Bye...

Totally Disappointed and Sad

A friend I known for 10 years... Only today I realised what kind of a person he is. I thought I can forgive him for wat he had done or said to me before. But I think I can never ever forgive him from now...

The little help I've given him on off when he came to join me ard in the same line, the kind of friendship I treasured the last time, the sharing we had... all will be down the drain with the accumulated cruel things he had done to me and said to me thru'out these 2 years. Very disappointing... Dunno what to comment now... speechless and hurting...

"Missing" feeling...

A week of meetings... more to come...
A bundle of work... more to come...
A tired body... more to come...
A 'missing' heart...

'miss' someone used to be closed b4 - many of them, 'miss' someone close to my heart but it's far away, 'miss' my beloved lated grandma...

It's the tiredness and bundle of work that caused me to think of them so much... mayb... well, really miss them so much... 'sob'

Maybe I'm really greedy at this point of time. But with only parents' love to me, I really think it's a lot more lacking in me. Think I need to get from 'somewhere' so I will not be lacking of when I keep giving away... Hehe... Love in the air???

^.^'''

Happy Valentine's Day!

1st post of the year in 2009. Want to keep it real short and sweet.

Just a nice and loving wish to everyone in this world:

Happy Valentine's Day to you and your loved ones!

LOVE in the air! :)

^.^

Ending 2008...Welcome 2009!

2008 has come to an end. A lot of things had happened around me, happened to me for a purpose in 2008 I believed. I learnt, I've grown, I changed for the better I'm sure of that. I told myself I must be positive to the happenings. I'm happy that I've grown in many ways in 2008. I'm happy that at least 2008 is not just ending with no meaning in my life. But as 2009 approaching, my heart has a strange feeling... full of unpredictables... happy, as well as scared, a little hard to describe... looking forward to it yet afraid... of cos I hope my parents can continue to give me the full support of my work and many many... having the support of someone in future I know of (nt easy to find...) who understand totally what I've gone thru...well... Wishing all Happy and Smooth 2009, Everyone! ^.^

A 'sensitive' ME

New month again... NOV... a very very busy month, with lots of work piling in my mind...work target to meet, Dec event planning to run, meetings and trainings to go, my gums ops is coming soon, my printer need a change... but have to keep calm and cool to complete every single one of them. Y I mentioned that? Reason simple... cos recently got to know my own body even better... A sensitive one I guess... cos my mind and body can't be too stress or else, flu bug will attack me. When the bug attacks, no voice and pain will come; can't work well; decrease my efficiency in doing a lot of things. No No... can't afford to get this flu bug again... too often this yr. Well, if I manage to get this period going on well, then I think I will be obsolutely ok for my subsequest months and years ahead. Yes! Have to get this well manage.

Feeling? Well, it's still around me... in my mind. Think of him is normal, recently is mostly in the middle of the nite as day time mostly busy and tense with work.... Did the confess to him after near to 2 yrs nt into any relationship. I do have the feeling of hoping I may have the chance or so... but till today, in fact I'm nt sure if I have the chance of developing into any further steps with him. "Let the nature takes it's cause." Well, it's a phrase I know but I think I might nt have really know how to exercise it as it's really depends on my heart not to fail me in execising this.

Yes. A sensitive mind, body and heart which I have to handle. Too much to handle and yet have to get them really handle with care. Tired and might really need someone ard to move on with me but think it's really hard to get that "someone".

~q^.^p '"


Added on 9th Nov 08, 12am

From the above mentioned tasks that need to be complete, only my printer is newly changed, most meetings were done with. Upcoming still have a lot of training and talks to go. Target need to be meet and really need to work hard for it. My Gums op is confirmed on 17th Nov 08. A little scared. But I'm sure it will be done nicely. Just afraid that it will be pain. But I think I can tahan that too. Dec event... I think it will be nicely planned and I need to give out the gifts asap once I got them and I'm done with that part. Alrite... stress but can handle... have to do it bit by bit...

Last nite had a bad nite... lost of slep... with some headache and awake mind til early 6am then I started to fall asleep and woke up @ 9+am liao. Well, during the awake time, my mind is on someone... well... I dun mentioned who and I think you'll know who if you had read my previous entries. Dun want to think of him. But I dun have any good solutions. Mayb you can let me know if you think of any. Due to last nite sleepless nite, now I feel giddy and tired liao. So shall stop here. Shall continue if I can then.

^.^

Confused...w Sadness

Yesterday, 11 Oct, was a happy day for my senior. He juz got married. Happy for him that he got a beautiful and sweet wife. Witnessed the whole church wedding ceremony. Juz want to use 2 words to describe is: Beautiful and memorable. And when meeting some other friends during the wedding, I got to know a lot more couples are getting married during these 2 months too. Wow... 'Red bombs' is one thing... my feeling started to think a lot again... Juz so happened too that there is a 'crash' feeling in me recently.

In my parents' eyes, I'm already getting older and older and also keep asking me to find another 1 partner soon, especially mum. Well, 1 word to describe my feeling now is scare. Scare of being hurt, scare of being rejected somehow. I have no confident abt my feeling. When I'm much younger during school days or even when started to work in the society, I have the courage to tell the someone how I feel, which I've written in my long time prev blog before. But now, I don't. Juz like the feeling in my title, confused. Now, I can't confirm whether if it is juz a short 'crash' again or real feeling. 'Crash' will be gone sooner or later. But I think real feeling will also be gone fast when I know that he is attached maybe... I dunno. I dunno myself abt this. No wonder pple said that when it comes to relationship, ppl will become stupid. Can't see, can't hear, can't understand even own self.

Problem in work I can solve, problem in the family like relating to parents I can solve as long as I know how, friends got problem I will be there if can. But own relationship or 'heart' problem, die! I think as I get older, I'll become stupider in terms of relationship. Juz hope that if this person is not meant for me, quickly let it pass so I can move on. But if there is chance for us, hmm... I don't know what to do... a very very difficult issue... Well, dun even know how to test ... sigh...


Updated on 18 Oct

Why written on the same entry? Reason simple... Feeling rather sad now and I dunno why will think of him, like want to tel him. Nt a right sign, cos he is stil nt having any relationship to me. I know time will heal me. I know it's difficult but it will, I know it's long but it will. Sad til want to cry but it's ok. I know I will pull thru. This yr is a 'big wave' to me that I really felt collapsing soon. A yr of tough challenges to me that I have to go thru. I really think it's a tough yr that I can't hold myself tight soon. Clearing all the challenges is ok. Most imptly my loved ones ard me. I'm afraid of an incident which nobody knows I think. Hope it won't happened. Really!!!