The Changing in ME

一年多了

2010-01-31T00:35:00.000+08:00

不知不觉都要一年了，没来这儿，是因为没要写些什么。

可是今天，我想把一些心情写下来：

一年多前有了喜欢一个人的感觉。知道了他有女朋友后，要把那感觉抛开，以为不难。可是，却不知不觉的发现那种感觉到现在都还在。以前还没交男朋友前不会把这种感觉放在心里那么久，很快就不见了。真的不知为何这一次不行。昨天知道他要结婚了，我有为他开心，也希望因为这样，那感觉会很快的不见了。我真的很希望是这样。我真的忠心祝福他，也希望自己能把那感觉和它说：Bye Bye...

Totally Disappointed and Sad

2009-04-23T01:52:00.002+08:00

A friend I known for 10 years... Only today I realised what kind of a person he is. I thought I can forgive him for wat he had done or said to me before. But I think I can never ever forgive him from now...

The little help I've given him on off when he came to join me ard in the same line, the kind of friendship I treasured the last time, the sharing we had... all will be down the drain with the accumulated cruel things he had done to me and said to me thru'out these 2 years. Very disappointing... Dunno what to comment now... speechless and hurting...

"Missing" feeling...

2009-03-07T22:27:00.004+08:00

A week of meetings... more to come...
A bundle of work... more to come...
A tired body... more to come...
A 'missing' heart...

'miss' someone used to be closed b4 - many of them, 'miss' someone close to my heart but it's far away, 'miss' my beloved lated grandma...

It's the tiredness and bundle of work that caused me to think of them so much... mayb... well, really miss them so much... 'sob'

Maybe I'm really greedy at this point of time. But with only parents' love to me, I really think it's a lot more lacking in me. Think I need to get from 'somewhere' so I will not be lacking of when I keep giving away... Hehe... Love in the air???

^.^'''

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T02:08:00.002+08:00

1st post of the year in 2009. Want to keep it real short and sweet.

Just a nice and loving wish to everyone in this world:

Happy Valentine's Day to you and your loved ones!

LOVE in the air! :)

^.^

Ending 2008...Welcome 2009!

2008-12-31T02:08:00.001+08:00

2008 has come to an end. A lot of things had happened around me, happened to me for a purpose in 2008 I believed. I learnt, I've grown, I changed for the better I'm sure of that. I told myself I must be positive to the happenings. I'm happy that I've grown in many ways in 2008. I'm happy that at least 2008 is not just ending with no meaning in my life. But as 2009 approaching, my heart has a strange feeling... full of unpredictables... happy, as well as scared, a little hard to describe... looking forward to it yet afraid... of cos I hope my parents can continue to give me the full support of my work and many many... having the support of someone in future I know of (nt easy to find...) who understand totally what I've gone thru...well... Wishing all Happy and Smooth 2009, Everyone! ^.^

A 'sensitive' ME

2008-11-02T23:29:00.003+08:00

New month again... NOV... a very very busy month, with lots of work piling in my mind...work target to meet, Dec event planning to run, meetings and trainings to go, my gums ops is coming soon, my printer need a change... but have to keep calm and cool to complete every single one of them. Y I mentioned that? Reason simple... cos recently got to know my own body even better... A sensitive one I guess... cos my mind and body can't be too stress or else, flu bug will attack me. When the bug attacks, no voice and pain will come; can't work well; decrease my efficiency in doing a lot of things. No No... can't afford to get this flu bug again... too often this yr. Well, if I manage to get this period going on well, then I think I will be obsolutely ok for my subsequest months and years ahead. Yes! Have to get this well manage.

Feeling? Well, it's still around me... in my mind. Think of him is normal, recently is mostly in the middle of the nite as day time mostly busy and tense with work.... Did the confess to him after near to 2 yrs nt into any relationship. I do have the feeling of hoping I may have the chance or so... but till today, in fact I'm nt sure if I have the chance of developing into any further steps with him. "Let the nature takes it's cause." Well, it's a phrase I know but I think I might nt have really know how to exercise it as it's really depends on my heart not to fail me in execising this.

Yes. A sensitive mind, body and heart which I have to handle. Too much to handle and yet have to get them really handle with care. Tired and might really need someone ard to move on with me but think it's really hard to get that "someone".

~q^.^p '"

Added on 9th Nov 08, 12am

From the above mentioned tasks that need to be complete, only my printer is newly changed, most meetings were done with. Upcoming still have a lot of training and talks to go. Target need to be meet and really need to work hard for it. My Gums op is confirmed on 17th Nov 08. A little scared. But I'm sure it will be done nicely. Just afraid that it will be pain. But I think I can tahan that too. Dec event... I think it will be nicely planned and I need to give out the gifts asap once I got them and I'm done with that part. Alrite... stress but can handle... have to do it bit by bit...

Last nite had a bad nite... lost of slep... with some headache and awake mind til early 6am then I started to fall asleep and woke up @ 9+am liao. Well, during the awake time, my mind is on someone... well... I dun mentioned who and I think you'll know who if you had read my previous entries. Dun want to think of him. But I dun have any good solutions. Mayb you can let me know if you think of any. Due to last nite sleepless nite, now I feel giddy and tired liao. So shall stop here. Shall continue if I can then.

^.^

Confused...w Sadness

2008-10-12T00:58:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, 11 Oct, was a happy day for my senior. He juz got married. Happy for him that he got a beautiful and sweet wife. Witnessed the whole church wedding ceremony. Juz want to use 2 words to describe is: Beautiful and memorable. And when meeting some other friends during the wedding, I got to know a lot more couples are getting married during these 2 months too. Wow... 'Red bombs' is one thing... my feeling started to think a lot again... Juz so happened too that there is a 'crash' feeling in me recently.

In my parents' eyes, I'm already getting older and older and also keep asking me to find another 1 partner soon, especially mum. Well, 1 word to describe my feeling now is scare. Scare of being hurt, scare of being rejected somehow. I have no confident abt my feeling. When I'm much younger during school days or even when started to work in the society, I have the courage to tell the someone how I feel, which I've written in my long time prev blog before. But now, I don't. Juz like the feeling in my title, confused. Now, I can't confirm whether if it is juz a short 'crash' again or real feeling. 'Crash' will be gone sooner or later. But I think real feeling will also be gone fast when I know that he is attached maybe... I dunno. I dunno myself abt this. No wonder pple said that when it comes to relationship, ppl will become stupid. Can't see, can't hear, can't understand even own self.

Problem in work I can solve, problem in the family like relating to parents I can solve as long as I know how, friends got problem I will be there if can. But own relationship or 'heart' problem, die! I think as I get older, I'll become stupider in terms of relationship. Juz hope that if this person is not meant for me, quickly let it pass so I can move on. But if there is chance for us, hmm... I don't know what to do... a very very difficult issue... Well, dun even know how to test ... sigh...

Updated on 18 Oct

Why written on the same entry? Reason simple... Feeling rather sad now and I dunno why will think of him, like want to tel him. Nt a right sign, cos he is stil nt having any relationship to me. I know time will heal me. I know it's difficult but it will, I know it's long but it will. Sad til want to cry but it's ok. I know I will pull thru. This yr is a 'big wave' to me that I really felt collapsing soon. A yr of tough challenges to me that I have to go thru. I really think it's a tough yr that I can't hold myself tight soon. Clearing all the challenges is ok. Most imptly my loved ones ard me. I'm afraid of an incident which nobody knows I think. Hope it won't happened. Really!!!

'A' 'S' 'D'

2008-08-09T01:51:00.000+08:00

Have someone ard u when:

1. u're tired - u need a support
2. u're sad - u need a 'happy' stimulator
3. u get lost in life - u need a 'guide' in life
4. career in a rocky storm - u need someone to guide u sail ur boat smoothly

"anyone can add somemore in?" :)

Feeling Heavy...

2008-07-17T01:35:00.002+08:00

Had some difficulties in my 'heart' recently... want to know where went wrong...

Working isn't very smooth, but doing my best to let 2 ends meet!
Health isn't very good these 2 days, but trying very hard to let it get better!
Mum seems nt in good health too, worry, but hoping to know what can be done for her!
When she needs me, I'll be there of cos!
But sounds very sad is... when I need someone ard, it seems like none....

Cos hard to tell out, dun want to disturb any of my frens, each has their own problems. But still, hope that an angel or guardian can appear in front of me to 'sayang' me. HaHa.Crazy thinking of cos

The 'Empty' feeling... tired feeling... need a support but... trying hard to know how can be solve. Sure can be done... it's juz a matter of time will tell me. :)

SSTTRREESSSS???

2008-07-05T00:41:00.002+08:00

It's @ the mid of the yr. Half a yr gone! A lot of things are changing like nobody's biz. Oil price rises till US$144, slowing reaching the US$145 mark soon. Inflation over the world keep giving unstablity to the society. More problems arises. More new illnesses are found. More lives are saved and also had a lot of them 'reporting to heaven', etc. Too many in the list. So dun want to list anymore then.

Since beginning of this yr til now, my sales are bad. Til today, I found is darm bad. Last wk aft watching 'Kuofu Panda', think the panda and the movie is really amazing. And the 'shifu' is so good to teach him using his eating habits. Ya. A colleague then asked me: Wat is the thing that will motivate you to work harder? Aft thinking a while, I found that it's hard to say. I dun really aim for high-end lifestyle like eating in posh restaurant or drive big cars, but I rather aim for simple but fulfillment lifestyle. Need $$ still, but as long as we are enough of wat we need or having on hand a little more, I think I'm happy. Mayb I dun dream big, I dun want things to become complicated. But @ the same time, I want to have enuff $$ to support my simple life. Then oso, today asked mum want to go Taiwan, she said no. Think mayb it's the $$ thingy that she might be thinking of. Anyway, will ask her again so see wat can be done. Hope can bring her and dad somewhere through.

Will see wat can be added in this post again. My @@ are getting smaller and smaller. Hope I dun wrote anything wrong here. :P

Life is short...

2008-05-18T23:21:00.003+08:00

This sentence is been heard by me don't know how many times this wk since the 2 disasters @ Mynmar & SiChuan. We can't prevent these from happening. These few nites while watching the news, I felt so sad. Millions of pple are dead due to the disasters. Families are destroyed. Businesses are affected for some big and small owners, etc.

Thru these news, I realised one very clear point is that the only pple that are true to you are your parents. They worry for you truly, they love and care for you truly, even towards the end of their lives, they will protect you to the end first. Parents are the only pple will nvr abandon you. If really have to, it will be either in a no choice situation or the parents are really don't have any responsibility. Who knows what will happen tmr. Pple who are nt nice to us, throw them away. Don't let them affect you. Most imptly must be nice and love your family. Don't regret it when it really happens. I'm for sure I don't want to regret it. So make your own choice today. Don't regret it 1 day.

^.^

Deep hurt...

2008-05-01T01:56:00.002+08:00

Silent effort putting in seems thrown into a river after he mentioned ....
Mutual understanding seems lost after he listened to all the crap, shit and nt the full details ....
Not knowing in details and jump into a conclusion makes me feel sad ....
Will A person that think highly of himself be able to put himself into my shoe and think like me?....
Will A F**king woman that created and stirring all the shit know what exactly she has done wrongly? ....
Forgive pple and give chance always might not be working when the idiot fellow dun want to learn fr mistakes ....
I dunno if I can still open my arms big enough to 'accept' this kind of ppl as my colleague... but it's a definite ans is she will definitely NOT to be my friend.... To have her might nt be a blessing now, it's juz another way of hurting myself mayb...

It's a damn hurting feeling when you get backstepping by someone u know and it was to your long time friend. Can't really think now so decided to stop here. I can't really have a logical mind now.

Angry and sad!!!

2008-04-21T13:57:00.005+08:00

Recently feeling very angry and sad over some pple relationship. Like 1 of my colleagues, lady, that has created some 'friction' between colleagues. I do reflection about myself most of the time when I heard comments from others where I do wrong or so and changed slowly accordingly. But sometimes, I found that pple who comment on others alot but can't really see their own faults are the most saddest kind of pple. Knowing how to comment on pple but yet own self committed the same problems too.

Not only that, talking badmouth behind someone's back is another worst thing. Well, this sad incident happened to me too. The lady colleague talking badmouth or backstabbing me, to my friend about me. I do admitted I have my weaknesses. But sad to say, this lady is worst off than me. Well, I juz dun want to say. But this show clearly to me that she is a '2-head snake'. Really nt worth a friend or even a colleague sad to say.

Angry and sad abt pple that think they are so good in certain things and look down on pple when others are not having the same learning curve on par with them. Each person will have their own learning curve. Some smoother, some steeper. But to some 'yaya' people, they think the people are wasting their time when they learn slow. Crap!!! I'm sure they can learn more stuff as they learn fast but dun have to be so arrogant about this. Sad to know this person is someone whom I know for years, to look down on pple. Fine!!! I admitted I learn things slow but I think it's still nt really a waste of time. At least I learnt from it and that's the most impt process. Juz felt that a arrogant person will only learn their lesson when one day something big happened to them and they can't stand up on their own one day, then they might learn.

I'm really sad and angry recently about these incidents. In fact many more to type, but really getting sadder as I type. Feel like gg for a short holiday or break where I can be away from these crappy issues. Sick to 'cover' my emotions. Juz feel that it's hard to please everyone. But why I have to please others? Not worth lor.... Or will I have a better solutions from anyone?

Hmm

2008-03-25T02:10:00.003+08:00

Juz need to remind myself that I'm now with a different phrase of improvement needed, more responsibility, more hard work, co-ordination, and many more...

Tired with the recent work load I have in hand and also more things to take note of and to take care of, regardless on myself or on my new working partner.

Hmm... Stress... tired... think it's more on learning to take care of others while me moving on and also make sure that I can make it to where I want to be in the future... Hmm... a lot more to take note of... Ya... need to add more oil or diesel... whichever can help me move forwards smooth, faster and stable.

^v^

Lost...

2008-03-05T01:32:00.003+08:00

Hmm... Think in 1 full yr, the 'lost' feeling may have a few times. Trying hard to minimise the number of times it will occur every yr. Think it's getting better as the recovering stage is faster too. The cause of it become more clear and I know how to get out of it after I find my way and not really in the state where u don't know how.

Why I said so is recently did fall into the 'lost' feeling in work. But recovered after yesterday, 4 Mar, after determined to work out some concentrated work load for myself. Haha. Hope to earn more $$ too lah. :P

Last sat juz went to my long time secondary school classmate's wedding. Happy for her! Think this yr many of my ladies friends are getting married this yr cos during the sat wedding dinner, I received another friend's wedding invitation too. Juz beginning of Jan was another secondary school friend's wedding. Aiyo. So many weddings to go this yr. Oh ya. Still have a church wedding and another friend's wedding @ the end of the yr to go too. Ops! That also another signal me to work more and harder for more $$ for all the Ang Bao need to give.

Well, $$$ need. Hmm... Partner? Hmm.... Maybe need also ba. But still waiting for the right one to come forward or appear in front of me. Nowadays dun dare to say to anyone or show to anyone I like who. My friend asked me abt whether I'm looking for companion or wat few days back. I told him I'm looking for someone who can love me more. Hmm. Really need that cos keep giving out love to pple may be a little tired, experienced from last relationship that why. So now hopefully I can get someone will love me more than I love him one!? Depends on if I can find one like this. Is this thought also causing the 'lost' feeling? Hmm... Not sure in full but mayb that is also part of the reason. At least I can sense a bit.

Lost feeling in work can sense and resolved once work and aims are sorted out. But feeling and relationship in heart need a little more time when a lot of things must come in place. Will take some time. Not sure when but I will take it easy cos the right person won't appear in front of me so easy unless it is really meant for me. :)

^v^

CNY 2008 w New Age!

2008-02-11T23:09:00.000+08:00

5th day of CNY. My age today changed fr 27 to 28. Oh! Ok! Maybe on this special day did some blogging.

CNY Eve: Can't remember wat I did in the morning. But remember noon time went to meet a client for kopi. Then straight aft that, back hm to get ready for the dinner with my family. This yr is only the 4 of us. Without grandma ard. Seems a little different. But still, glad that we were having the meal together every yr. Aft the meal, helped to clear the table and dining area. Last time when grandma still ard, maid also ard to help do the clearing. Now without maid, sis also nt helping most of the time, mum is tired out aft preparing the ingredients, I must did some help. Well, ok lah. Feeling ok to help out knowing that wat I did is correct. :) Aft that, rest a while, bathe, then 'nuaing' ard, surfing some web, watching the tv special program, eating tibits juz like any other years. :)

Day 1 of CNY: Din go visiting as we were nt supposed to due to still within the 49 days of the mourning of my grandma's depart. Actually thinking of nuaing @ hm. But need to settle a client's case so decided to visit her @ her hse @ Jurong. With dad's help of driving me over while he and mum went to IMM to shop a while as nothing to do @ hm, I settled the case. So 1st day of CNY, I visited my Indian client's hse eating cookies and nice indian coffee. Yum Yum. :)

Day 2 of CNY: Nuaing and watching drama in Youtube till 5pm, we whole family went to 'Riverside' = 'He Pan' @ Esplanade garden, where Cai Shen is. Walking ard and seeing so many pple till 7pm+ when the lighting was on, we walked a while and left for our dinner at HongKong cafe @ Marina Sq. Nice meal I think. :)

Day 3 of CNY: Out @ abt 3pm to visit Sentosa to visit the flowers with a friend. :) Nice Nice! I think although the layout nt so nice, but when I see flowers, the feeling is great! :) During evening, we went to have our dinner. Normal one. Overall is great! :)

Day 4 of the CNY: Out @ abt 12pm+ to visit colleague's hse for a CNY gathering. Every yr we have it. So eating and playing cards and talking, time passed very fast. Till 6pm+, I left and back hm. Back @ hm, family is having another round of steamboat cos sis had asked a friend over for dinner, a usual procedure every yr liao. Cos eyeing @ e veg on the table, I sat down to have some too. Well, aft meal, helping to clear again. Feeling is normal but glad I'm helping. :)

Day 5 of CNY and My Birthday: Went to office early in morning to submit some stuff and also to 'start work'. Then noon, we went to company Lo Hei @ The Legend @ Fort Canning. During the meal, colleagues in the same table wished me Happy Birthday. Well, I'm keeping myself in low profile so even no one knows I'm ok. Aft Lo Hei, went back office a while, had a tea time with colleagues, did some callings and went back hm. Back Hm, had my mee sua prepared by parents. Aft bathe, sis came back with a cake. Cutted and eaten. Nice!

Well, overall, had a rest time during CNY. Switched totally off from work, although did on for a few minutes sometimes. Well, today back to work. Must 'add' more oil from today onwards. YES YES YES! :) Jiayou! Jiayou! Jiayou!

^v^

New Experience!

2008-02-03T17:25:00.000+08:00

Juz came back fr Bintan training yesterday... Train wat u might be asking me? Sales or...? Well, not on sales, but more on confidence, daring, teamwork... etc. Together with my teammates and colleagues, we went to Bintan Lagoon Focus club where we go thru a lot of 'dangerous' training. Why 'dangerous' is because I needed to climb high and low, with blue black on the body, aching too. Due to my weight is the lightest mayb, most of the time can be carried over those walls and higher areas where we are nt supposed to touch the 'spider web' and go thru it. Testing our teamwork etc.

Talking about been carried over thru those web, I think it's my 1st time climbing up a big tree truck and trying to stand on tip top of the truck, about 6 or more storeys tall, and then trying to jump off to grab the hanger like 2 metres away from me. Not only this, with 2 hands grabbing on to some tough ropes, then by the instructor of 'leading' me to keep to my left from a platform of 5 to 6 storeys height and then dropped myself uncontrollable down and been swinging around in the air for a while, in a split second, I can't really focus to see what is around me. Luckily got a mask on my face to blur my vision or I think I will be even more scared. Haha... but when I did it, think back, unbelievable that I did it. :)

Above mentioned are all with safety belts around us. So is safe. And you know wat? The above mentioned one I think still not so bad. The most tiring one and scared one is the next day activity where we had to go up a big pyramid where it only has tough wires and wood logs and small shaking wooden platforms. Arhhhhh!!! With my weak arms and only can hold onto some tough strings and our 'life line'. Btw, 'life line' is a safety belt that are to support us from falling off and if really fall from the wood log or wires, at least we are hang up there and nt straight landed to the ground and ended up in hospital. But I still very scared as this life line also nt very safe. Why I said that is because we are walking together in a group of 6. If 1 of us fall, all 6 of us will fall together and hang up there. So I think die die I have to hold on to the ropes or wires. Shivering up there while passing thru different stages. Every stages are tired. And @ every stage, I not only have to secure my own life line, I have to secure my teammate's life line too as he is of a bigger size and his life line has to be secure from his back nt @ the front like us.

In fact @ 1st stage, I'm of no energy to move on liao. Hands are shivering after strained it too much. Yet, we in fact passed thru 2/3 of the whole set of stages. @ a resting point up in the pyramid, rain came. Slowly bigger drops came. My 1st thought is safety. Wet surfaces of the walls and steps where we had to climb on is the focus. Dangerous if we fall or wat. Then lightening came and in-charge @ last call for help to rescue all of us up there at the pyramid. By then, I'm fully wet from head to toe by the heavy rain. Big drops of rain hitted me so hard and the coldness really caused me to be scared till my tears also drop automatically. Went back ASAP to the resort room to have a warm shower. Thank goodness. Healthy and in one piece back in Singapore. This program is indeed good. But stress and scared when going thru it, mayb it's because never went thru b4 @ this kind of height and surrounding too. If given me a choice, I may nt want to go back in the rain to do it again. If it's shining, mayb yes and no too. Cos it's too scared, tired, and aching.... Pain thru my whole body..... Ohhhhh :O

^v^

Scared...

2008-01-25T01:50:00.000+08:00

Since last sat went to eat some food with a friend, my stomach wasn't very well. Pain, running to toilet mostly after meals. Very frankly, the intake of food for me seems nt a lot. But the output in fact was quite a lot it seems. Timing for my stomach to digest seems very short. In fact feeling a bit scared. Think if by today I shld go and see a doctor. Now the stomach also a little pain. Oh... wat am I talking abt?

Think I'm getting a little scared as this little health issue is been dragging for a few days. I thought it will recover soon. So din want to see any doctor. But it seems that the stomach din recover and is dragging further. So I think I have to look into it closer. Oh pls.... recover.... I dun really feel good. Nt sure is it becos of visiting the toilet too often to 'output' a lot, I think I'm tired for this few days too. Anyway, going to bed now. Tired and a little uncomfortable. Hopefully my stomach will recover soon. Oh pls pls..... :(

Grandma's Depart

2008-01-07T19:37:00.000+08:00

By reading the title, readers will be scratching their head? Only after the 3rd day of 2008, my grandma passed away early in the morning. Till today, I only had the time and energy to record some feeling of mine here. 6am suddenly woke up in the morning and saw mum fully awake and told me that grandma passed away. From 3rd, I've been @ grandma's wake till yesterday morning when she has been sent to Mandai for cremation. Did wat I can during this period of time. Tired but it's the last period with grandma. So in fact I think is a must. Of course some unhappiness issues happened for sure due to some unreasonable people did and said a lot of unnecessary things. Too long to mention or written over here. But I think pple who read this blog will understand what I meant.

But, my grandma passed away @ the age of 89. Due to her age and she had 4 'dai', 4 generations, in fact pple considered her depart as not a sad issue. So as compared to her depart as compared to the artist MC King, she was more fortunated. But it's really juz 1 day different. Just so coincidentally, my grandma's funeral and MC King's funeral were from the same casket, same abbot from the same temple, same period of time. Sigh! The only different is my grandma was old and MC King was young.

Friend asked me how I feel. Frankly, aft my closest ah ma, my mum's mum passed away 10 years ago and after hearing and seeing a lot during this period of working life, I became more used to. It's all about life cycle. Of course the feeling is nt good, but is more calm. When saw my parents' sad faces, my heart is sadden too. But slowly time will heal. But grandma forever was my grandma and I will remember her forever even she's gone.

A Special Ending & A New Beginning!

2007-12-30T01:04:00.000+08:00

Well, it's been more than 1 and half months that I logged in here to blog. Missing for more than a month time to busy run for my yr end sales target. Ever since my last blog, I was always thinking that it was a very far and unreachable target in fact cos I nvr ever did that figures before within my 2 yrs in this industry. Very difficult to explain to you wat figures am I talking about here but it's something that will lasted in my memory for a very long long.... time.

But still, I will like to share here is my little thinking that trigger or give me a little more strength to give it a try. In fact it was after when I came back from my company annual planning for 2008. My colleague was with me on our way home & we were talking abt the target that we each want to hit. Then I told him that I'll try my best to do it. But in fact he give me a lecture saying that 'NO. You MUST do it. Do your best. If you only try, you may nt get it. But if you DO it, at least you are closer or reach it.' Then I also then remembered my colleague, my mentor, told me something too:'If you do your best and you get it, you deserves it; If you do your best but you don't get it, at least you do your best and learn from it; But if you never try it or do it, you can never get or reach to where you want to be, meaning you are giving it a miss!'

So in fact, I really did my best. Frankly, I don't really have much confident @ that time. But I told myself and prayed that no matter what will be the outcome, I thank for the results. And I think there is some kind of power really in fact that had helped me. @ the correct timing, for the correct person to give them the correct advises, with the correct people to help me, in fact during the period, I was closer to my desired target each day. But of course there were difficulties and problems along the way but I think it's a good learning process for me to go thru. Today, I can sense a little more secure as I did see the result. 99% closer! The other 1% will be left for Monday when everything is in placed. So ya. Good to know my effort worth. :)

Anyway, as wat I mentioned in my prev blog, I hope to share some photos of my trip to Bangkok in Nov, but til now due to work load, I have not did that. So sorry. I will find a time to load. If can't load here, I will find a website to load and share then. Recently is so busy with work, family, friend's wedding, planning, etc. Very tired! But I think in 2008 will be even more busy and better. So I'm looking forward to it. I'll only learn from my mistakes when I look back. In 2008 will be a better year for everyone. I believe that! So here, if no time to blog again before 2007 ends, I will like to wish everyone who come in accidentally or nt, Keep Healthy, Happy! Have a Great 2008 ahead.

Remember: A Healthy person is the most wealthy person! ;)

Hi...

2007-11-12T00:38:00.000+08:00

Hi... Supposed to post some photos up for u all to take a look in my blog since I'm back fr Bangkok last week. But I think I'll be tied down with work for this wk and next maybe. Plus I still figuring out how to post 50+ of the photos up here in sequences for you all to see... Hmmm.... Ahhh.... Sorry ah. Be patience w me. OK?... That's all for today 1st cos since morning I'm out busy till 10pm+ then back home. Can't think of anything to type here now... will keep u all update of the photos... wait for me ok?

Pain...

2007-10-19T01:13:00.000+08:00

Well well... see my title you know I'm in some pain for sure mayb... ya... I AM... This morning went to my dental appt again. This time round a bit longer with my dentist, been there abt near to 2 hrs. After he removed away the 8 rubber rings, he started to fix some metal thing 'ard' my teeth. That is for holding the wire to push my teeth in position. Then after find the correct metal thing to fit my teeth, he started to 'cement' the metal onto my teeth. Why cement? It's because it may come out, maybe.... i guess one..... Actually according to the appt arranged, I'm supposed to go back next wk then have the actual braces on. But I heard was because the dentist got no appt aft me before he was in time for lunch time, so last min decided to fit in the braces for me. Well, the pain part comes. He started to dry up my teeth with all the necessaries stuff, apply like glue stuff to stick metal bud that holds the wire on each of my teeth where need to, then really using a wire to start tighten my teeth. Sorry, a bit hard to describe myself here. Mayb you really have to experience it then you will know what I'm talking abt here.

Anyway, aft the process, my teeth as usual started to feel tighten 1st, very uncomfortable of course because my lips seems 'fatter' and the metal thing in my mouth is rubbing my flesh in my mouth. And of cos, the food went in my mouth will sure stuck in between the metal and my teeth. Need to wash and brush. While trying hard to get used, near to evening when having dinner, I'm getting the pain in biting food, like old ah ma got no teeth to bite one. But I 'moved' the food in my mouth to the back of the teeth where the wire is not there and still allowed some food to be chewed. Brushing is needed to be done aft my meal. Anyway, I bought a special small brush for myself in this case during my way back today, can be easily bring ard.

Well, today is a bit of 'long' day for me as besides dental appt, I went to run some errands, came back home to do some admin and nite went out for work appt again. Now the teeth where is been stretched one is a bit like numb and tighten when not interfering with them. BUT when I bite or accidentally touch it, it's pain de(2) lor.... think can't eat any hard food from today liao... mayb only porridge only. Wahhhhh.... ok..... I'm very thin liao.... so have to see how to improve with my situation now. Pain and yet need to eat ..... Well well, when I got less pain and can eat harder food will update ba. :(

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New Experience Phase...

2007-10-12T00:59:00.000+08:00

OK.... I'm back aft a wk plus din update. A bit not sure wat to write cos too many little problems and worries around in my mind in fact. Most of them can be solved I'm sure. Shld nt b too much of a problem. Juz have to find some solutions to them. YA!

Anyway, I started a new 'life' experience for myself today, since I was born. I went to my 1st phase of the teeth braces treatment. I know that they are going to put something in between my teeth to closer up the gap in between my 2 front big teeth. In total, I have to go to NUH Dental centre 3 times, every thurs, starting from today. So in today's phase, two words to describe it are fast and discomfort.

Fast is because I went in to see my dentist and out of the area less than half an hr only, inclusive of waiting at the register counter for a while, my dentist explained to me the 'before and after' result of my teeth how it will look like, signed a document saying I know what the treatment is all abt and that the dentist had explained to me and followed me thru (Well, want to comment on this part a bit as It seems to me that they last time had encountered pple sue them for not explaining or wat mayb, that's why I need to sign the acknowledgement now). Anyway, the half hr also inclusive of a process which will cause the discomfort in my mouth around my teeth till next thur when it will become painful to me then:

Well, the dentist had struck 8 small rubber band style of small rings in between the inner session of my teeth where the dentist said these will be the locations where it will be the mental braces be attached to. So now the rings are in between my teeth there to 'create' space for the braces to be put into next thurs. And he asked me to make sure they are all intact there till next thur or I will have to go back NUH to put back into the space again.... wah..... go all the way back to put back these little rings.... *faint*.... thinking of these, I dare not even eat any hard food and only used my front teeth to bite a few mouth before I swallow into my stomach. Oh No... sad cos can't chew. Discomfort cos got something in between my teeth. But wat to do!? I want to close up the gap in between my teeth. Want to beautify my teeth mah....

Well, I think the scaring part will be coming next wk. Will share more here ba. Need to go soon cos as early as 6am today I woke up liao juz because my appt was @ 8.15am today and went in juz for less than 1/2 hr. Sigh! Dunno wat to say liao.... Juz wish me good luck ba.

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Be Happy OK?

2007-10-02T01:24:00.000+08:00

1st time posted a pic in my blog. And if you had noticed, I've nvr had any pic in here. Great! Next month can try put more photos aft I come back fr a short trip. Dun tell you where I'm going 1st. HeHe... :P

Anyway, recently had a habit to read others' blog and you know what? I begin to slowly sensed pple 'around' me nt happy too, encountered lots of things, etc. Well, I'm not feeling as good too during this period. But I tell myself I have to create the best of it out somewhere. The nice sunset pic above is taken from Dasmond's website. Sorry! Nvr ask and take liao, becos it's a pic and can be save into my laptop easily. Next time I try to load some here for pple to take maybe... But won't find my photos in here lah cos I'm not a beauty..... haha :P

Anyway, Juz want to say I hope every good people that I know, whether is friends, family, friends that I only contact thru emails or only their blogs, I hope you all are happy, free from troubles or problems. After the sunset is sunrise, a brand new day, new wk, new month.... so be happy is the best because happiness in heart can be the most healthiest input that will cause our body to work well and live long too... So .... Be Happy OK?

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A New Month...

2007-10-01T00:46:00.000+08:00

1st day of Oct because past midnite 12am liao.... haha :P ... since my last post was abt 1 wk ago, last month... Today is a Monday... Hmm... work is planned for today. Ready to chiong for the day even not yet in bed now since already passed 12am midnite. Anyway, this month will be a different month for me too. Will be putting on my teeth braces from next thur onwards, for 2 yrs+. Will be a busy month for me mayb becos will be visiting my dentist every wk for this month for the braces. Then need to run for my sales after in my low morale for the past 2 months maybe, although not really shown in my face.

Well, suddenly got this little 'push' power to let me want to do more sales for this month. Well well, must not waste this sudden push power that comes in. Maybe also because of the special appearance on TV showing Dr William Tan juz now, that triggered me to remember his 'will' power that he shared with us last month, and the memories that I had with him 1 yr plus ago where I'm his timer for his challenge of back-wheeling 24 hr @ NUS running track and also to accompany him while he wheeled and we were running besides him too.... bought his 1st book that he published when he gave us a motivation talk last month, with his autograph, to support the donation of the needies that he want to help and remember some of the content of what he wrote. But what I want to learn from him most is the 'will' power that he has all along in him...

Never Give Up - Never have the 4 letter word in my mind which is 'QUIT'... Ya!!! Must remember in my heart! :)

A little different Monday...

2007-09-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

Monday Morning is as usual where it's our morning exercise period together with my working team and manager. After exercise, we went for lunch and then headed to office to settle some work and helped clients to handle some stuff. After that, I went back home to shower, rest a while and had my dinner. Normally in the evening if not meeting clients, I will probably work at home too. But this evening is a little different:

As my client was busy with work, so we postponed to meet up on sat. Well, since is end of the month too, last min decided maybe to give myself an evening time off to relax in somewhere... Well, went to Music Dreamer Cafe, invited by Sean last nite, to listen to others-Audience sang. Nice! Relaxing! Feeling good! Can work better tmr mayb... Music really can help to relax... hehe! :) Yup!

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Speech!

2007-09-23T01:39:00.000+08:00

Back from a dinner at cafe cartel. Bathed and now looking thru some websites and checking my emails. Saw some celebrities' blogs and saw YiFong's news in Dasmond's blog. So went to click on the link in Dasmond's blog where there is a video showing wat is exactly the news is abt. After seeing the news, got some stuff in my mind to share maybe:

1st, I agreed that all newbies in whatever line need a lot of trainings, especially is on-job training. As long as it will not hurt other's feelings, you can used all the experiences gained to improve your own job skills. Like me been a financial advisor for 2 yrs plus, all sorts of rejections had been thru. Don't buy, don't ans my calls, slam my calls when they heard was my voices, don't believe me when I'm telling them the truth, etc. Thousands of them, you named it, I had experienced them all. I did my own calling to find new clients, meeting new clients, close or no close deals, some clients are even my friends now. Some of course no. Maybe of some reasons. Well, I don't blame them as there are so many competitors in the market. But 1 thing for sure is the hurting partner is always me and not the prospects that I'm meeting with. Because, I got the rejections and some really hurt me unintentionally. So the more hurt I got, that's probably the reason also why it will help me move on because I slowly learn from all the encounters I had. 'Move on': That's what I need to tell myself with.

But jobs like reporters, I think newbies need a lot of on-job training with 'old ones' I think, like tagged along with the old reporters to see how they do it and learn from them. What they do, they say, they write make a real difference as it will be seen on papers by millions of pple in Singapore or even others countries. They will affect readers' thinkings based on what they write. They will hurt pple unintensionally and I think that's really a No-No thing to do. Pple gained information from newspapers or books. Me is one of them so it's impt the info is a gd one, useful and of no hurt. Our Singapore standard is not bad one. Hopefully it will not drop and will be even better.

Talking abt standard, my job is getting higher standards too as MAS is setting a lot soon. I hope I can do my best and provide more information and services to my clients too. I always afraid not providing the best. So every single clients I will pay a lot of attention on them. Whether close deal or not after x number of months or even year(s) later, I've did my best for them. Learning and hoping I can fulfill a task this yr.......

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Out with mama...

2007-09-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

Today planned to bring mum out to walk walk. So morning aft breakfast we went out. Walking around and run errands as well. As today is a wkday, so not many pple are out as many pple are still working. So good to walk around and not so crowded. Haha...

Well, nice feeling to slowly brought mum around. Although not to many places, but we did something slowly to what mum like to do maybe. Then when lunch time, I brought mum to Sunshine Plaze to eat dim sum, recommended by a friend. Well, pple who read this blog of mine, the place is called Victor's Kitchen. Food is all done by a HK chef. Freshly made. Nice! Really! Go try it mayb! :)

Anyway, nice feeling. Maybe is because I dun always doing this with mum. Juz hope mum had enjoyed today too although she seems a bit tired aft the walk. Well, will find another day to bring mum out to walk walk other places again. :)

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Fighting in heart...

2007-09-19T00:17:00.000+08:00

After having a life and death experience 2 days back, these 2 days got a bit busy. Busy with recovery of my laptop which suddenly cock up too, busy with my work, busy with settling down with my feelings, mayb... Haha... I'm been taught to move on and learn from mistakes. But things happened to me caused me to think a lot. Having determination to move on is one of my positive side, thinking too much is my negative side mayb. But thinking back and ahead if it is to change for the better, why not? But I understand thinking back and not moving ahead is the worst of all.

To me, life can be simple. With simple 3 meals a day and can be with my loved ones, I'm more contented. To have a better life is not only for myself, I also hope can be for my parents too, whom had used almost 30 years to bring me and my sis up. I hope can know someone who not only can love me, but love my parents and be filial to them too. I know I will and I have to be filial to my future partner's parents too. Juz like my parents. Well, this still a long way to go till I got a partner 1st. Now no partner no need to worry.... Haha...

Working on my career now...... my 1st 'stepping stone' job started in 2000 which was not smooth. That's why had a career switched 2 yrs back. Well, tough as well cos I'm building a lifelong career and business. There is a lot of competitions in my line. I, True Heartedly, treat my clients with no hidden clause. Treat them like my friends. Help them as much as within my means. Hope they can feel. Hope they can really understand me in some ways. Hope my feelings are transmitted to their heart deep inside.... But to those dun understand and wish to believe the competitors cos they are closer in relationship to them, no comments! I voice out what I think I need to let you know. Choice is under the client's side. I juz sad that things may not turn out well. I juz pray hard that it will nvr happen to them. If have, then sorry. I really can't help then cos they choose to believe others but not me.

Anyway, got a drama which is quite nice on TV channel 8, on sat and sun, 7pm, abt doctors, nurses and patients... can't remember the name of this drama series... But it's nice (some parts are taken in south Africa) and meaningful. I'll watch when I'm not out and @ home. Should watch! Believe me! Who watch and think not nice can let me know. Prove to me it's really not gd!!! I welcome feedbacks!

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Crossing the road...

2007-09-15T14:18:00.000+08:00

Hmm. A bit not sure how to start off with. But I think if anyone is reading my blog now will hit me wake up...

Today went to run errands for mama in the morning. So walked down to my nearest market area to get the stuff done. Smooth no prob, Juz in time for me to get cover for the heavy rain. Then walk walk around for a while and decided to head home. But as I'm crossing the road, hmm, something not gd happened: The road is a 2-way traffic, 1 for vehicles to go out to main road and the other is for vehicles to enter into carpark from main road. The road has no traffic light, juz a road crossing. The road where vehicles travelling out to the main road is lined up with many vehicles. The road where vehicles travelling into the carpark from the main road with a glance, no vehicle. So with not much of attention later as I thought based on previous judgement, I wanted to cross the road. WELL, problem now came.

There is a van blocking my full view before I crossed the road. So without much notice, I wanted to cross the road. Luckily I dun dashed out too fast. Suddenly a car dashed in front of me very fast, into the carpark. I was shocked at the slip second.....!!!!

Suddenly a thought came into my mind. What if I really dashed out suddenly that time??? Maybe I won't be typing this blog here now... mayb in hospital.... or mayb....

Well, for the past 1 wk, I seems to be facing the end of the life issue... 1st was the big earthquake, today was the escaped accident... hmm... the feeling is really different. Earning $$ to me seems nt impt. My brain is only thinking of family and loved ones, and some uncomplete mission like having a good partner and get married (Mum's wish for me), have kids... blah blah blah... SHIT!

So now you know why I mentioned in the beginning of the blog said you will hit me if you read this blog... :(

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Earthquake...

2007-09-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

Ohhh... today is the X number of times where I encountered earthquake again. 1st time was during my school days, in the middle of the nite when I was listening to Radio and doing my homework. Still remembered the radio program was hosted by Dasmond Koh if not wrong. Anyway, 1st time experience earthquake was sitting on my chair where it kept rocking and I thought my head was giddy. haha...

Today's earthquake was a big shake. In fact I was in office, doing my work. Half-way thru felt the shake. Saw the door was shaking and the rest of the stuff in the room shaked too. In fact I was quite scared. Even now, still a bit scared. Meeting with earthquake so many times, I think this time round this earthquake had set a deep deep impression in my heart and the scaring scale has set to a higher level. Calling back home. My mum is scared too. So decided to go home to work then. Told my mum abt my experience in office. Kana scolding because I told her I heard the walls creaking sound, scolded me why never run downstairs for safety 1st. Well, too scared to think mayb. Anyway, now can do this post is a good sign, cos meaning I'm still alive. Haha... But still scared...

Seems like still have some small shaking feeling in the middle of the nite... Ahhhh!!! This time round is really caused my heart to be a little more weaker. Mayb ...

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People???

2007-09-11T23:46:00.000+08:00

Read Piggy's and Dasmond's blogs... I juz want to say people have very complicated mindset to be understood. Mayb I'm wrong. But as a person who need to meet up with people and talk to them, I'm learning on how to understand them in their point of view. In term of sales, mayb I can guess their wants and don't. But if talking abt relationships or even what mindset are they having for how people will treat people, I dun really can understand unless they talk abt what is in their mind.

Sad to know some people are living in a 'jia' image; never treat people in a very truthful way. Worst kind of people is a "2-headed snake". Have!!! I've seen it. Sad!!! Someone whom I quite respect one oso turned out to be different. Sad!!! Sorry to say that I will not be giving them any respect since they treated my parents so badly too. People reading my blog will be scratching head what am I talking abt. But juz to let you all know is that people do change, not change for the better, but change for the worst!!! Mayb in my eyes only cos they might think they are in the right way. But I'll never forgive pple who treat my parents bad cos I know they have put in enough effort in looking after my grandma liao. Dun want to write abt them or my anger will come again...

But abt relationship? Sad... I like pple whom mayb have partners liao, or mayb I have a crash on them only ba. Sigh... My looks??? Normal... Mayb that's the reason cos not pretty. Well, waiting for my appt to do my braces. Beautify my teeth 1st. It's a cost. Expensive one. Step by step.

Shit! Recent mood caused me to be moody and think a lot of nonsense.... No No... Can anyone brighten up my days pls??? OK! Anyway, have to help myself... Sigh!!! Sad!!!

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Mood Down....

2007-09-10T23:01:00.001+08:00

From the title already can tell a lot... Ya. My mood is not gd. Since dunno when already in bad state. Can't recall what has been written in my blog before. But thinking back to be in this family, I think I not only have to learn to tolerate, but have to learn to have a 'big heart' to forgive pple. But to have a big heart is real difficult. There are so many pple who are out to take advantage or made used of you; so many pple to look down on you due to the 'low-income money status' that you are in; so many idiots whom are actually your relatives but will only appears when talking about have a piece of the inheritance and nothing else... so many idiots...

Sad... very sad... have a partner for the rest of life? A person can share your sadness, happiness, bitterness, sourness...? I think not easy to find. Building my career?... Not easy too... tired and people won't understand we have our sad side too. Manager always mentioned that throw away all emotions to do work. I understand. It's Hard!!! Once a while can pass thru, but not always. I know I have to get out of this feeling soon. Hope by tmr morn it will be gone and back to norm to work. I know I can....

I have to get my work done well. So I can be in the 'above-avg income grp' where I can bring pride to my parents and show some idiots although I'm rich but yet I know how to 'treat pple with well manner' and not like them who treat pple like shit. Angry!!! I know I'm not suppose to scold them, not right. But they dun deserve my respect to them. Treating my parents so badly I can't take it. Well, no matter wat I must work real hard. Hope I can do it. Or to say in exact, I should say I can do it no matter spend how long to do it.

*Sob* ..... must be strong.... !!!

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Too Fullll.......

2007-09-04T01:03:00.001+08:00

Today's blog is to remind myself not to eat too much. Cos now feeling real bad. Mum left a veg soup with some meat for me. Then as dinner I din eat a lot and did felt a bit hungry, I went to cook a instant mee goreng. And mum also left some 'kong ba', mushrooms and an egg for me too. Ops!!! Too much!!! Thought can finished all. Siao... almost finished all, left with half an egg and a bit of soup. But when reaching this stage, I'm too full suddenly. Keep burping. Full of gas in my stomach. Think a bit hard to digest now. Anyway, need to do some work now Hope to clear some too as waiting for my food to digest fast fast...

Tmr or shld say this morn still have a full day training. Pls stomach.... quick quick digest away the food or I will have a hard time to sleep tonite.

Hope will not fall asleep in the training... Ok do my work 1st.....

And not sure wat happened to my left arm, pain too.... aiyo... must think how I injured myself... think is my bag a bit heavy and I carried it in a wrong position and sprained it. :(

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A different Sunday...

2007-09-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

The title is true cos u will very seldom see me woke up so so early in a Sunday. Near @ 7am woke up, wash up and together with family went to the Yellow Ribbon Walk. Sis is working under this Govt sector so jio jio parents and me to do the walk with her colleagues.

So with a set of sleepy eyes and with my running shoes which I din sayang It for more than a wk liao, went to the walk. Well, many people indeed. Hot not becos we are exercise, but the heat from the people too much lor... Anyway, dunno walk for how long, mum is tired so took the fre transport to the Yellow Ribbon Fair which is at the Prison Learning Centre (if the plc I dun remember wrongly). The organiser is good in arranging old people who can't walk further to take the transport. Anyway, din really walk a lot ard as our PM is there so some plc we can't go yet. Till when more place were opened, we were out of the compound liao.

Anyway, it's good to go walk walk with family once a while although parents will be a bit nagging. But the best part is after had lunch and back home, I'm dead flat @ home. In fact juz now aft dinner oso very dizzy and doze off again. Wah... unbelievable! Think is stress and tired and a lot of tired factors caused me to be in the stage.

Hmm... Recently quite frequent come in to blog. Feelings like a lot but express out is a bit different and not very similar to my thinking sometimes. Ha! Hm? Ah? Got some feeling but dunno what to write again.... Hoho...

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Last day of Aug...

2007-08-31T23:45:00.000+08:00

Hmm... 31st Aug... last day of Aug... in a bit of relax mood cos think due to month end too... noon met dear little piggy @ CityHall area, where I will sure avoid on upcoming 2 days... cos today already got a big crowd walking ard liao due to the Comex show @ suntec... Sooooooo crowded... No No No... I won't go on sat and sun liao. This 'goaty' dun like toooooo crowded area cos I will be giddy.... Anyway, supposed to go to an appt but can't find the person so continue to be with piggy...

Anyway, I'm glad piggy is enjoying herself today. And I'm glad in actual fact that your problem is not as big as what I think. It's juz you have think it toooo big liao, that's what I think lah. So Pls lah! Dun think it till later your head become bigger... or my head will pain too... Remind u that I'm putting on braces soon so I heard a few said may be painful and will cause headache. So help me to reduce some headache ok??? Can??? Haha... :P

Anyway, pls pls... got problems... come find me to talk talk... do what you need to do if you think you really need to see any doctor... need me to go with you, tell me. K? Anyway, piggy, aft talking to u today, I think you are quite lucky to have ur current boy boy now. At least, he is putting u in top priority in most of the time and will think of your feeling and tell you most of his thinking. Mine last time? Communication is down... I dun know what he was thinking... got put me in priority in his mind??? I dunno... really... cos can't even know what his thinking was.... Anyway, it's over. Lucky... Haha... :)

Treat yourself better, happier, do your best in clearing your problems bit by bit. I also got my own problems but also clearing them and aiming for more success in life. I'm not sure also where is my cup of tea... liking somebody to me now is like seeing stars in the sky..... nice but can't reach.... a bit scare too.... :) Hmm... dunno how to explain... Haha

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Oops!

2007-08-31T02:25:00.000+08:00

Think this wk and next wk got no time to let out my little fustration liao cos this wk busy w work and next wk got 2 and half whole day training..... I think sometimes I have been using exercise not only juz an exercise but also to have a place to let out some of my feeling, stresssl, frustation... but this wk and next may not b able to liao.... feeling inside 'men men de' .... Oops! How? Hmm.... time a bit tight this wkend... my mind got seaside image coming.... sigh.....

Things not as smooth this month no matter in which area, Oops! But juz hope Sept can be a better month. Sigh...

Oops! No No.... can't keep feeding myself w neg thinking recently. Think too stress liao... need a short break but when take break will feel a bit guilty as Aug sales not as good... Arrgghhhh..... but din really slack since beginning of the yr. Still need to Jiayou.... Oops!

Arrgghhhh....... Cry

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Surprise...

2007-08-30T01:41:00.000+08:00

Did a fast brouse thru @ a friend blog. Surprised to see that he in fact replied to 1 of my comments in one of his blog and not under his comments dept area. He wrote some encouragement comments on and had a nice pic. Thanks for that cos everyone of us need some kind of encouragement once a while. Feeling quite not ok recently becos of some issues gg on. Work, family, and a little friend I'm quite worried abt one..... aiyo.... stress....

Hoping that all will be cleared 1 by 1... work have to depends on me but hope things to be done will be smoothly cleared... family hopefully granny will not give mama and dad too much problem.... i really pity my parents and i know i can't change any fate....sad.... and the little friend.... no comment now cos I dunno how...

Anyway, dun think I will get another surprise from him in commenting @ my blog.... If have, hope to have more surprises ba cos I need some to spice up my days....

Reading my blog is not juz everyday's life, it's all my feelings.....

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If...

2007-08-29T00:11:00.000+08:00

If I can have a choice, I hope I can be a little bird... flying high and feel free.....

If I can have a choice, I hope I can be intelligent... so can earn lots & lots of $$$.....

If I can have a choice, I hope I can be a magician... to change a lot of impossible to possible.....

If I can have a choice, I hope I can be a boy in 27 yrs back.... so that I can change a lots of fates (ming4 yun4).....

If I can have a choice, I hope I can be...............

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Walk Walk ard...

2007-08-26T00:53:00.000+08:00

Today went for a lunch appt with a friend. Nice dim sum. Next time can bring friends and family to go enjoy. Then aft lunch, thinking of walk walk ard. As I'm near to Si Ma Lu temple, so decided to go pray pray. Well, the friend also went with me. Soon after, we parted.

Alone walking on the road, juz aimlessly, passed by the National Art Musuem. Juz had a sudden urge of gg in to take a look. Free admission! But dun really know which part of the area is free and which part is not. So juz entered in and take a look ard. Saw some nice drawings, photos by some talents in Singapore. Good job. Think 1st time in my life had did a tour alone in a art musuem to enjoy these. Amazed! Anyway, it's a nice experience.

Walking further down where I reached Raffles City. Walked in and like normal shoppers 'tour' ard the area. Then came across a very unique shop where it sells German handy wooden craft work. Very nice and very special. According to the shop owner whom I think she is, the handy crafts are all unique as they are all hand-made and it is one and only piece. Amazed! Noted down this place in my palm. If have space @ home, I may want to buy one back home as it's really nice. Especially it is also a hand-made craft as I really like things which are produced by human hands. And if any friends like that and within my budget, I may buy for him or her in future too.... cos it's nice and special.

Well, early the morning today got a sms from a 'long long' friend telling me some prob of hers. In fact worrying for her... thinking is a hard nut to crack... :(

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New Findings....

2007-08-19T00:53:00.000+08:00

Recently like to read others' blogs. Like to go to piggy's blog to read and oso found some mediacorp artists' blogs too. But sadly know that piggy friend recently very seldom blog nowadays but I think blogging is a very common 'communication channel' of expressing how u feel nowadays, with the help of IT nowadays. I don't know whether it's a good or bad sign. But I do believe it has its pros and cons.

To my piggy friend. Do blog or call me. I think sometimes that is a channel where I can know how are you recently even without calling or sms u. But without u typing something over there now, I won't know if you are fine or not. So many things happened in this world. My side got some work struggle but still managable, unforseen family prob issues coming up but if I can escape from it I will do so, feeling a bit empty sometimes but think not my main concern right now. So my side here should be like normal days having ups and downs still and fighting hard for every day to have a better tomorrow.

Read some of the recent found blogs and think blogging is a very popular electronic journal liao. Last time people used papers, notebooks, now using Web where everyone can see and comments. Things change too fast liao... Scary...

To be continued..... Cos suddenly dunno what to write liao..... HaHa.... :P

^v^

2007-08-07T01:33:00.000+08:00

Hi..... Little Piggy...... :)

In fact quite tired liao after 1 whole day of training and appts, plus still sick with strong gems fighting in my body since last thur till now, down with cough and flu. But went in to see the little piggy's blog and saw what u wrote. Well, a bit hard not to worry for u as u are always having some 'unseenable' problems hidding somewhere. Anyway, thanks for still remembering how long we have been together and knowing I do worry for u. But dun becos of that dun tell me anything or I will smack ur buttock when I see u again. Haha... :P

And glad to know that you know what is good and bad for yourself or surround you. So remember to improve on the 'not so good' parts and maintain on the 'good' parts. Moods somehow have to learn how to be happy ba..... something I realised sometimes I DO can control abit of my own mood...... but can't explain too.... Haha.... :P

Sick can't control but only can pray hard it will recover soon so I can work again.... a lot of things to do seems..... but very funny is I think it's really fate cos all my appts on sat and sun all postponed when I was so sick on sat and sun too..... think it's really Fate as wanted me to take a good rest @ home and dun run around and passed the gems ard too.... HoHo.... Anyway, a bit better.... No Cough.... Voice not very loud.... got very 'sexy' voice I think.... Hmm.... think my real voice need a wk or 2 b4 it will come back.

Well, I think that's abt all I want to write for now.... a lot of rubbish today.... Hmm.... Anyway, anything juz tell me.... buzz me.... I'm here!!!

^v^

2007-07-21T01:38:00.000+08:00

Since my last post is abt near to 3 months. Frankly, piggy (my dear friend), I think you are the only friend that has been reading this blog. I didn't really asked any of my other friends to read them. Most of the things I wrote here mayb really is to update you how I'm doing and I think most of the time you don't have to be worrying abt me. I think one thing I can share with you is what I learnt from my career is that there is always ups and downs in our life, and how to see these as challenges, how to bring ourselves from the bottom of the valley back to the peak so we can enjoy the fresh air again. Most importantly is as long as you have put in effort in whatever you do, you have no regrets.

I'm not sure what problems you have now, do think in the bright side sometimes. Talk things out and solve it slowly if there is any problem. To calm ourselves down, be out of the depression fast and move on. You are so much younger than me and still have lots of things to me. Me too.... Have lots of dreams want to fulfill... Step by step.... :)

Recently my sales a bit slow as some prospects are busy and so on... but I always remember what my manager told me: Do what you can control... Yes! I'm controlling the number of pple who can meet me. Appts juz continue to make.... some prospects continue to fly me.... some prospects at last are definitely ready to plan and place biz with me.... So recently keep doing calling for appts... A bit tired... But I think as compared to a 9-5 job, I got no regrets in doing a job switch to this line. Recently, I'm thinking of a few years later, I may hope to plan to do biz like have a shop of my own soon.... In planning and thinking.... doing research as well.... may need piggy's help one day.... :)

I can sense a lot of challenges coming up too..... 1 thing @ a time..... Yes!

^v^

2007-04-24T01:06:00.000+08:00

Towards the end of the month.... Closing for the month soon.... Gained roughly about 50% growth in my sales. Hoping to do the same for the next month and the coming few months.... Stress!!! But I think they are all positive stress! But will put in extra effort in my work too!!!

Gotten my 1st palm TX in my life. A bit still not used to using it but it's really very useful in my work. Since I'm in this career, I've done a lot of things '1st time'. It really builds up my confident in some areas, dare to try certain things. But still got some stuff I don't really dare to do it mayb. Now can't really think of it. Anyway, will hope for the best for myself and the rest of you all around me. :)

Here, want to tell piggy that although I don't call u, u r always at the back of my mind, where I'm thinking if u are doing well or not. So pls don't let me worry abt u. Call me when u need to. I'm here!!! I also have some of my problems popping in and out of my mind now and then, but I'm learning to handle them cool and calm. It's not very easy. But I know u will be there for me too. So I'm moving on....

Hoping things are going on and on and on and on................ Well and Great! ^v^

2007-04-06T00:13:00.000+08:00

I think it's been half year since I'm in here writing something. This half year on off having some ups and downs, happiness and sadness. But most importantly, want everyone around me to be happy and healthy. Recently also busy with work. Having improvements and will move on to do my very best and hope to move to another level of success.

Everyone here: no matter u are studying, working, living leisurely or whatever, stay healthy, happy, laugh heartily.... ^v^

2006-10-29T00:41:00.000+08:00

Just want to give a little encouragement for my little piggy friend. We can't avoid things we dun like to do. So try to enjoy them. Remember: No Pain, No Gain; No Exam, U won't know how much you have understand them. JiaYou! Although I can't help u to take exam or take the stress u r in now, but all I can provide the support to you is you can call me when you need me anytime and anywhere, as long as I can come to you on time. So JiaYou k? ^v^

2006-09-18T00:06:00.000+08:00

Last 2 wks ago jus had a flu. Started off with sore throat.... then next day having a little cold with sneezing.... then slowly the next day u guess what? I lost my voice..... haha.... talking to ppls with a very soft and hardly can be heard voice. But thanks to mum. She brewed a lot of drinks for us, including herself. Whole family were down with flu. Luckily fully recovered liao during last wk. And during the lost voice period, I got think of or should said 'dreaming' of joining the 'Superstar' singing. Haha! Star Dream! But then during a meeting in my new company when I'm doing an introduction about myself, I found myself having some 'stage fright'. This feeling happened all the while when I'm in front of lots of pple. Haha. This reminds me of an experience when I'm in the age of 5 when I'm in a singing competition too. I'm so scared that I forgot my lyrics when the musicians on stage did help me to play the music too. Thinking back, I think it's a very cute and memorable experience although I still got a consolation prize. I think need some time to train myself to become not so scared in the future. Haha!!! ^v^

2006-09-10T22:37:00.000+08:00

Today just want to type a few words. Recently didn't disturb or call one of my closed friend, piggy. But I think she will somehow pop in here to take a peep. Anyway, just want to say All The Best for your exam. And to whoever will pop in to take a look too, All The Best for the rest who have dreams and want to fulfill them. I'm one of those too. So Let's JiaYou JiaYou! You and I can Do it!!! ^v^

2006-08-20T21:41:00.000+08:00

My story continues again....

My first job started in Aug 2000. Before started work, like most graduates, I went for a holiday, but it was with a group of my Chinese Orchestra teammates in polytechnic to have an exchange program in Melbourne. It’s a great, memorable and nice experience. First time taking a long time flight, first time to Australia where it was having a winter season over there. Although there was no snow, but it was my first time experiencing the cold weather as compared to the long-time hot weather here in Singapore. And also, haha, after coming back to Singapore, it was also my first time got my chickenpox after so many years. Many of us got the chickenpox. It’s all started from a friend got in Melbourne and most of us who had not got it all got it. But I started my job not long after my chickenpox. Leading a normal life during my working life. After a year, I started to pursue my degree, part time studying. It was hard. No kidding! Around after another half year, I decided to leave my first job and very fast, I found my second job.

I worked in a site. Over there, I got to know my close piggy friend and one more person. A person whom had creates happiness, sadness, bitterness, and knowledgeable moments in my life. This was my first relationship. I knew him before my piggy friend, if I’m not remembered wrongly. Hmm. What can I say about this guy??? He is a good man; just having some bad temper, may be getting better now. Who knows? He was good to me, taught me a lot of things, which I may not really know anything about yet. He taught me how to protect myself when walking among a crowd. He taught me how to play darts. He taught me how to taste wine, appreciate wine. He is a good drinker. He taught me many things which some of them may only appear in my mind when I come across them. He brought a lot of happy moments in my mind too. We were mostly going shopping; watching movies, go to the beach, sometimes to pubs with him to watch him play darts (only a few times, can be counted using one hand), etc. All these were what typical couples will do and these accompanied us within the 2 and half years of relationship. I like the feeling of playing darts too. Can feel a sense of satisfaction when I hit the ‘red dot’. Just don’t really like the smoky smell in the pubs. Used to now but just don’t like. But will still go to these areas no doubts. One of the things I don’t like him or anyone doing is smoking. It’s bad for health. If is seeing others smoking, I will not want to say anything. But for the people I cared for, I will hope he or she can quit. My family members no one is a smoker. Only one whom I knew and had passed away: My grandpa. May be he was stress, may be he was having difficulties in quitting, may be… a few times I got angry because he smoked. At first he promised not to smoke in front of me or when with me in the beginning of our relationship. But a few times when we were together at his gatherings with his friends, he would smoke with his friends. May be his ego had caused him to forget his promise, may be… hmm… now not having the mood to continue to write anything. But want to tell my piggy friend one thing: I’m happy about you finding someone you love now. Stay on with the happiness. I have let go a lot of feelings. I think you know about it. But one reason why I wrote in the blog about this relationship is to leave a good memory of a person rather than anything else. I find that it’s much more easier and happier to like or love someone than to hate someone. It is more tired and energy wasting. So continue to love your ah dar, ok, piggy?... Jia You!
^v^

2006-08-14T00:31:00.000+08:00

After a long period of about 1 yr plus since I broke up with him, I have not been stepping into any of the cinemas. So on last Friday, I once again stepped into Cathy and had a nice show in fact with some of my friends. The name of the movie is called ‘Click’. Before I see this movie, I thought it was another comedy movie. But after watching it, I think it is a very meaningful movie. It filmed the story about this main role in the movie is a workaholic and spend very little time with the family. He worked long hours and wanted to get promoted as fast as possible as what everybody dreamed for so that he can let his family will have a better life. His house got lots of remote controls and he got frustrated one day about the life he was leading and wanted to get something that can simplify his life and also to simplify his house’s remote control to just having one only. He went into a shop and got a universal remote control that can control his life. It can bring him to the past or future, fast forward some of the events such as to skip away some arguments with his wife, had his promotion faster etc. But this brought him future problems like he dun even know how all these things happened or even when his loved one had actually passed away or left him. He missed a lot of things in life. He then realized he had not treasured the people around him well enough. Ended up when at last he realized where is the problem, he is towards the ‘death road’. But luckily, the movie in the end shows that it is just a bad dream for him and let him realize that he really need to treasure his loved ones around him. I like this movie, as it is a meaningful and touching one. My friend sitting besides me cried during the movie. My eyes are wet too. But I know what is that feeling and that’s why I really treasure my family a lot too. Hmm. Dunno what I’m talking liao. But it’s a good movie after a yr plus never step into cinema. Feel gd to catch a gd movie. ^v^

2006-08-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

Today not wanting to post my story here. But have a very strong urge want to write my feeling today of seeing the fireworks at home. A lot of us like it very much. In fact I met my dear piggy fren at CityHall today with her ah dar to somewhere to see fireworks. Usually I saw my past fireworks at home thru the windows. But today, my 2 little nephews specially came to my house here and wanted to watch it. So had changed a venue. My house downstair got a running track and walking further down is a opening area where we can see fireworks more clearer. So when we walked near the area, a lot of pple were there waiting for it liao. Haha! WE ALL like fireworks. Young, old, with wheelchair, many many. Waited for a while, at last the fireworks came. Very nice, very fast, and very short. No more..... :( Very short glory of performance in the sky! As Indoor Stadium is going to be tear down soon, we are not able to see the fireworks near my home anymore ... :( So this year I recorded down in my camera using the video function. Still figure how to see it using my laptop as it's of a different format. Haha. Hope can figure it out. ^v^

2006-08-06T19:26:00.000+08:00

The childhood I got seems to be very blur in my mind right now. But the kind of life I remembered seems to be a typical one. I’m just a very talkative girl in school who always been caught by teacher. Near to primary 4 or 5, don’t know how and why, a few guys in school will bully me. Haha. Typical thing happened. Still remembered a case during primary 6 where I took my metal pencil case to hit a guy’s tummy after he had hit me on my back or so. Things like this happened. I did cried at home when been bullied by the guys in school or not having many friends in school. I started to be a bit more not myself by then. As I grown up further to secondary school, I started to be very quiet. I don’t have a lot of friends in school. Only probably 1 at that moment, who I’m still glad we are still in contact. Very amazing is that classmates whom I didn’t really talked to during secondary school days now do keep in touch with me. Haha. For readers’ info, we met in the working area and met one another and that’s how we keep in contact again. Well, I think people grow and changed. Me too. And I think the changing time started during my polytechnic time.

My poly days seem to be getting more and more tougher. During my 1st year in poly, things got a bit bad. It’s during that time when I 1st experienced the feel of losing someone whom I really loved, my beloved Ah Ma (mum’s mother). I’ve been very close to her. I talked to her, walked with her around, and liked to bring my service to her when she lived with us occasionally. She was a very kind hearten woman. But my aunt didn’t really treat her well when she was still around. Whenever I heard about it, I’m so sad and wanted the best for her. But at that time when she was around, I was still a student and no money to buy her anything. Thus, I can only treat her better. She liked to take a stroll in the morning and evening, sometimes in the noon after meal. So normally, I would follow her around and had a chat with her too. My Teochew language is not very good but Ah Ma’s teochew and Chinese were good. She would try to explain to me in Chinese for the teochew I don’t understand. She was Buddhism. So she would explain to me some of the details and some of the meanings in some of the reading. I missed her a lot. But I had slowly learnt to put her in my heart. She left us in one of the Thursday morning. I was in a camp from that week Monday. Before that camp on Sunday, I went to see her. But she was no longer able to talk to me. All over her were all the tubes, which caused us to feel pain. As I thought able to see her on Thursday after didn’t see her for 3 days, early in the morning when I’m still in bed, my mum woke me up and mentioned that Ah Ma had passed away and she needed to go hospital to get her body ready for the wake. It’s the first time in my life I’m feeling so lost early in the morning. I saw mum was calling for the preparation for the wake. I didn’t cried at the moment, as I still didn’t believe that. Till the time when dad drove me to the area where it’s for Ah Ma’s wake when I started to feel a strong, warm ‘water’ flow down my face. My tears were uncontrollable by then. Still remembered Ah Ma’s mentioned something to me when she was still around: “Don’t ever cry on my wake ok? I will be happy to where I’m going.” But my feeling that time had washed away a lot of thinking. Everyone was sad during the wake. No doubt after the wake, a very sad scene appeared in front of me. My aunt was ‘spreading’ my Ah Ma’s wealth or money as to speak. And people will be thinking how much we were getting. I’m not for the money, but very sad was we just finished the whole wake for Ah Ma and we were then distributing Ah Ma’s fortune. Till now, the little red packet with the $10 in it I’ve never touch it yet and it’s still in my locker. I keep it for a memory. I keep it, as it was the last bit of amount from Ah Ma. Maybe because I’m the youngest among all her grandchildren, she was very nice to me. She would gave me $$ once a while to buy things I liked but most of the time I’ll save it for raining days. Still remembered she would sometime give me a kiss on my cheek too. Every little gesture from her will leave me a deep impression of her. Really miss her very very much.

Life goes on. For being quite a while, I’ve been very sad, couldn’t get over Ah Ma’s death. My attitude also changed. Became very unlikable. Very hard to explain in words here. But I can say was on my 2nd year in poly days, almost the whole of my classmates disliked me. Somehow was a classmate had initiated the actions. I don’t know what she had said to the class and caused everyone to dislike me. But I knew it would be hard to explain anything. So that had somehow caused me to learn to be alone, independent. But we had a few projects in my poly days. So somehow or rather had to be with people who don’t like me. It was a difficult mission to complete. But I had to go on with it. And that goes with my 2nd year in poly with a very long and difficult time to pass with. In my 3rd year, I filled myself with lots of stuff. Attachment program; projects with the rest of my classmates who were more neutral about what happened; final year projects, etc. But at this particular year, another big unbelievable thing happened. My mum was sick. During that period, our housing estate was going thru’ upgrading as well. And we were having our extension room been built up and toilet been renovated. I still remembered followed mum to hospital one day to see doctor and had mentioned that there was a lump found near the breast area. To my memory, one day she mentioned about the sharp pain near her heart and we suggested her to go for a checkup. So that day, mum went to the nearest clinic and the doctor gave her a referred letter to go into hospital immediately. Some of my memory was gone in fact but I deeply remembered the day when mum had to go thru the operation. I was so worried that my mind was going thru lots of thoughts. Maybe saw too much drama series and movies; I prayed real hard that the operation was a successful one. And hope that the lump found was not cancerous one. Unable to concentrate study that day, but when I went to hospital that day, got to know that it was not cancerous one but have to do lots of therapy, I seems to be a bit more relaxed. But still sad that mum has to go thru so many rounds of treatments. After her operation and came back home to recover, she was then retired by then. Throughout most of her treatment, I followed her to hospital, seeing her eating the big lot of medicine is really painful. Actually, not only then been very closed to her, since young, I’ve been listening to her telling me what kind of life she had as a childhood, how she grew up, how much hardship she had went thru, especially when she was having us. A lot of deep feelings flow inside me. That year was a tough year for me. Had to look after mum in hospital, helped cleared the house, as father might not be very careful in cleaning, at the same time, I’ve been busy with my final year projects and exams too. Tired but I think is worth as I’m still having my loved ones around me. Right now, I really can’t imagine what will happened to me if mum is really no longer with me. But I really have to thank her for being still by my side.

Some of my memory has faded off. The above is only part of my story. There are more to come. But a bit sad to say is from beginning story till here, the story seems to be sad and yet not really happy. Hope to have some happy story to share with u readers here. Haha. Pls look forward to see more story here. ^.^

2006-07-19T01:32:00.000+08:00

Story Starting in.......

About more than 26 yrs ago, a baby girl named BB was borned in Singapore... As BB was still unknown about this world, she was very helpless and known how to cry, eat and sleep only. When BB was about may be at the age of 2 - 3 years old, she started to know and understand the situations around her bit by bit, but very unsure. Started to know how to talk at don't know what age, she was playing with some toys, which may not be very new as her family is not very well-to-do. When started to get to know things around her, she was just a toddler at that moment. A lot of scenes were missing as it was been a long time ago. But some detailed scenes liked BB would play near her dear mother's sewing machine while she was busying sewing travel bags at that time. Sometimes in the deep memories, remembered that BB at the young age would help to cut the loss threads (it's from the bags her mum was sewing) for her mum....

2006-07-18T16:55:00.000+08:00

Hi Everyone! This is my first time in this blog. Dun really know what to write here. But after a long time thinking, I've decided to tell my story here.... As I said I'm going to write my story, I will put bit by bit of my story up. Real life real story... Pls wait for my story to be up... :) ^v^